Peace in the midst of the storm

I am so thankful to have God on my side. If not for him I would have surely been undone to the point of no return. This time has been more than my strength could handle. I have been stretched beyond my own strength. My supposed control has been shattered. I control nothing. I would have surely despaired if my only solace was myself or the wisdom of man. But Praise God that he is ever over all things. He is the one who sustains life, all life. Mine, Wyatt's, Kennedi, William, Mitch....and yours. And He is good. No matter what is going on in my life, He is good.
I was tempted and fell into the temptation to pity myself in this season. The last two weeks I was flustered at every turn, disheartened, upset, feeling pretty hopeless. And yet I knew there was a better way. I knew that in Christ I could find rest...I just couldn't get there. Couldn't give it to him..not yet. So I held on and lived my own little "hell" when all I had to do was let go. And he would catch me. He would hold me. He would sustain me.
It took today seeing Wyatt with the oxygen tubes in his nose, the thought of pneumonia or worse or nothing...It took tears that turned to praise. Songs came to my heart and out of my mouth right there in the NICU. The one that was the most powerful to me was "Blessed be the name of the Lord"
Blessed be your name in the land that is plentiful, where the streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name when I'm found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be your name.
Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise, though the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say.
Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your name
you give and take away, you give and take away, My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name. "
I had been listening to John MacArthur teach on Psalm 103:1-4
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless his holy name, Bless the Lord, O my soul and forget not all his benefits who forgives all our sins, and heals all our diseases, who redeemed your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.

When I took a look around me I saw that even in this hard, dark time He is good and He is blessing me and taking care of me. When I looked outside of myself and saw that there is a world of hurting people in the NICU, at the Ronald McDonald House in Springfield and beyond, I knew that this is bigger than just "why me" and it needed to turn into "Blessed be your name, no matter what may come, Blessed be your name!" "Thank you for being here with me, for sustaining my life and Wyatt's, thank you for holding this whole universe in your hands and knowing all that is going on at all times. Thank you for being sovereign and just and merciful. Thank you Lord for being Lord of all!"
And peace was ushered into my heart. Peace that this storm had drowned out of my heart for far to long.
Thank you Lord for peace and rest. You are good and I will continue to praise your name!

Psalm 84

¹How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD of hosts!²My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God.³Even the sparrow finds a home,and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, at your altars, O LORD of hosts, my King and my God. ⁴ Blessed are those who dwell in your house, ever singing your praise! Selah

⁵Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion.⁶As they go through the Valley of Baca they make it a place of springs;the early rain also covers it with pools.⁷They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion.⁸O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah

⁹ Behold our shield, O God; look on the face of your anointed!¹⁰For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.¹¹For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor.No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.¹²O LORD of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!