The hour a day that I am on the monitor is one of the hardest hours of my day. I have a hard time being distracted from the fact that I need to stay still and these bands are tightly holding sensors in place on my stomach. I have never been claustrophobic before but in those hours I feel stuck with no way out and sometimes it gets to me. Right now I'm on the monitor but thankfully the internet is working and doing a good job of distracting me. Other times I have just tried to sleep though it. It worked okay until yesterday when I woke up with a cramp in my leg and could do nothing about it. Thankfully the nurse came in not 5 minutes later to take me off because I was losing it.
The hospital room has been getting to me in the last few days. All was well until day 20. The next few days were a struggle. I had to open my door today just to feel more free and out in the open. I found myself sitting and looking out the window just wishing I could be outside. That didn't do me any good so I started thanking God that I could at least see the trees swaying in the breeze and that I do get to go outside once a day. What a sweet 45 minutes it is too. Fresh air...don't take it for granted. It is a beautiful thing even in this heat.
I prayed and just let God know that I was anxious and didn't know how to feel better. He provided so mightily yesterday. I had phone 4 calls from friends and family, the open door did wonders and Wyatt would not stay still when being monitored so the labor and delivery nurse had to come over and hold the sensor in place for 30 minutes. We had a great chat! It was so fun to just talk face to face with someone. I was grateful last night (When I started this blog), But today, the 29th He really drove it home. After spending time in prayer thanking him for providing for all of my needs even when it seems impossible. Then reading in the word this is what I saw and realized he does this for us all, all of the time. So glad that he is giving me a better picture of who he is so that I can love and honor him more readily and completely.
Psalm 62:8
"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us."
He truly is a refuge to me right now. I have nowhere else to turn and nothing else can distract me or bring joy when I am alone in my room. I am thankful to depend on Him for he does care for me every day!
Psalm 62:1-2
"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."
Psalm 63:1-8 (8 written below)
"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
20 days in the hospital.
I can't believe I have lived in this hospital for 20 days. Tomorrow will be three weeks and we will have made it to 27 weeks! I am very thankful for it though it is not always easy to just sit here and there are moments of "will this ever end." But I know that it will and I know that I want for Wyatt to get the best chance at growth and development while he is still inside me. There are just days when I miss the hustle and bustle of being at home with the kids, doing learning time, bible time, holding them whenever I want to and cooking. I know I miss cooking? And all that goes with it? But I do. I skyped with Mitch and the kids last week and seeing the house made me miss that too. I guess all of this missing of things is good for me. I hope to never again take them for granted. I hope to rejoice in the Lord for them every day and see that I am entitled to none of it. Nor have I earned it. It is all His mercy and blessing that I have anything at all. How great is our God! and greatly to be Praised. Even this hospital room and the ability to sit here and stay pregnant and have a healthier and healthier baby inside me, That is only by His Grace. And I will praise him for it.
I was having a hard time trusting Him yesterday and after time in prayer the song "Great is thy Faithfulness" filled my mind. I was so thankful to him for reminding me that "Morning by morning new mercies I see, All I have needed thy hands hath provided, great is thy faithfulness Lord unto me." It is so true. He is so faithful. Some verses that stood out to me this morning are in the Psalms. I am reading through them right now and they have been water to my soul.
Psalm 48:9 We have thought on your steadfast love, O God.
I have had a lot of time to think on his steadfast love these last 20 days and I am thankful to him for letting me have time to sit and reflect on his goodness to me and to my family. Over and over his love has sustained us.
Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
Psalm 55:16
I call to God and the Lord will save me.
Psalm 56:3-4a
When I am afraid I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust. I shall not be afraid.
There is so much hope in these verses. Who else have we to put our trust in? What else can save us from all struggles even in the midst of them? Nothing and No One but our God. He is mighty to save. He is our father offering refuge to his children. I have tasted and I see that the Lord is Good!
I was having a hard time trusting Him yesterday and after time in prayer the song "Great is thy Faithfulness" filled my mind. I was so thankful to him for reminding me that "Morning by morning new mercies I see, All I have needed thy hands hath provided, great is thy faithfulness Lord unto me." It is so true. He is so faithful. Some verses that stood out to me this morning are in the Psalms. I am reading through them right now and they have been water to my soul.
Psalm 48:9 We have thought on your steadfast love, O God.
I have had a lot of time to think on his steadfast love these last 20 days and I am thankful to him for letting me have time to sit and reflect on his goodness to me and to my family. Over and over his love has sustained us.
Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
Psalm 55:16
I call to God and the Lord will save me.
Psalm 56:3-4a
When I am afraid I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust. I shall not be afraid.
There is so much hope in these verses. Who else have we to put our trust in? What else can save us from all struggles even in the midst of them? Nothing and No One but our God. He is mighty to save. He is our father offering refuge to his children. I have tasted and I see that the Lord is Good!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
July 24th
We had a full ultra sound on Friday and an echo on Wyatt's heart. The doctors thought that they saw something inside his left chamber that might be a heart defect.
We got the results last night and all is well. Praise God!
Wyatt is now 2 pounds and growing stronger every day (i've been here 18 days now so he's had 18 mores days to keep growing and developing). Also the bright spot that they saw was not in his heart but off to the left. His heart looks great and they are not too concerned about the bright spot. It could be a reflection off of the rib cage or a number of different things. So for now we are super thankful that his heart is in good condition and pray that if that spot turns out to be something the doctors will have had plenty of time to figure out what it is before Wyatt gets here.
Other fun stuff that I've been doing: Mitch, Kennedi and William stayed over for a slumber party last Wednesday. The kids did a great job and actually slept. Mitch and I watched some TV and played cards...he won all but two games. Isn't he supposed to go easy on me, I am living in a hospital :-) My friend Jillian sent me a box of surprises and I have one to open for like 16 days or so. So far I have opened a 20 questions ball (kennedi and I stumped it with unicorn), a little hand held car racing game, a really cool wood puzzle and a 500 piece puzzle(will have to find room to put it together). It has been really fun to have something to look forward to every day. And it will help me get to the halfway point of this whole thing. Thanks Jill!
That's all for now. Thanks for all your prayers and support. God is answering our prayers day by day!
We got the results last night and all is well. Praise God!
Wyatt is now 2 pounds and growing stronger every day (i've been here 18 days now so he's had 18 mores days to keep growing and developing). Also the bright spot that they saw was not in his heart but off to the left. His heart looks great and they are not too concerned about the bright spot. It could be a reflection off of the rib cage or a number of different things. So for now we are super thankful that his heart is in good condition and pray that if that spot turns out to be something the doctors will have had plenty of time to figure out what it is before Wyatt gets here.
Other fun stuff that I've been doing: Mitch, Kennedi and William stayed over for a slumber party last Wednesday. The kids did a great job and actually slept. Mitch and I watched some TV and played cards...he won all but two games. Isn't he supposed to go easy on me, I am living in a hospital :-) My friend Jillian sent me a box of surprises and I have one to open for like 16 days or so. So far I have opened a 20 questions ball (kennedi and I stumped it with unicorn), a little hand held car racing game, a really cool wood puzzle and a 500 piece puzzle(will have to find room to put it together). It has been really fun to have something to look forward to every day. And it will help me get to the halfway point of this whole thing. Thanks Jill!
That's all for now. Thanks for all your prayers and support. God is answering our prayers day by day!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Cool Quote
"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."
Jim Elliot
I have to believe that where I am right now is where God wills me to be. Doing my best to live life to the hilt! Praying that you all do the same.
Jim Elliot
I have to believe that where I am right now is where God wills me to be. Doing my best to live life to the hilt! Praying that you all do the same.
More of God's Provision in week 1
On friday afternoon, after a day and a half in Labor and Delivery Wyatt was doing well so we got to move to the "Floor." So called because it is the floor where all the long-term patients stay. Most have something to do with babies but not all. I was moved from my private room to a "Semi-private" room. Which means I had a roommate. She had been there for two weeks already and was used to a certain amount of quiet...
Let's just say my life is not quiet.
My mom and sister (and nephew Rylan) had just come down to start taking care of the kids and stopped by to see me. We were going over the daily schedule and planning all kinds of things. Talking about what the doctors had said and what we were hoping for. Also Rylan was trying to nap...in the bathroom. It seemed to work well to us. We could still go in and use the restroom and if we woke him up he could cry himself back to sleep. That happened once. But didn't bother us any...
Then Mitch, Kennedi and William came in ready to move in. I hadn't seen the kids since Wednesday evening so I was so excited to see them and they were excited to see me too. We had a very loud reunion. :-) About 20 minutes later a nurse, who will remain nameless, came in and said that my family was going to have to leave because they were bothering my roommate. Her husband had called to complain after talking to her on the phone. But she never said anything to us.
So next thing you know Mitch is saying he won't leave and I am crying again begging them not to take my family away from me. After a heated and emotional chat with the nurse she left and an hour later returned with news that they had found another room, this one private, that had the required fetal monitor in it. Two hours later I was wheeled bed and all into my new fabulous room!
It is huge! I have two great big windows that let me see the trees and sky. It is a radiation patient room so it is extra large and fits the family very well. I am so thankful for it!
We can be as loud as we want and we don't bother anyone. Thank you Lord!
We have really turned the room into "home." Mitch and the kids drew on two huge posters and My sister and I made one each with scripture and some pictures as well. It makes the white wall across from my bed much brighter. I also have family pictures on the window sill and pictures of Kennedi and William and Wyatt's last ultrasound on the wall so I can see them all day long. Two mini-rose plants are on the window sill as well and I am doing my best to keep them alive. So far so good. Yes the Lord has truly blessed me with a bright and lively room in the midst of the sterile hospital that I find myself in. He is so good.
Let's just say my life is not quiet.
My mom and sister (and nephew Rylan) had just come down to start taking care of the kids and stopped by to see me. We were going over the daily schedule and planning all kinds of things. Talking about what the doctors had said and what we were hoping for. Also Rylan was trying to nap...in the bathroom. It seemed to work well to us. We could still go in and use the restroom and if we woke him up he could cry himself back to sleep. That happened once. But didn't bother us any...
Then Mitch, Kennedi and William came in ready to move in. I hadn't seen the kids since Wednesday evening so I was so excited to see them and they were excited to see me too. We had a very loud reunion. :-) About 20 minutes later a nurse, who will remain nameless, came in and said that my family was going to have to leave because they were bothering my roommate. Her husband had called to complain after talking to her on the phone. But she never said anything to us.
So next thing you know Mitch is saying he won't leave and I am crying again begging them not to take my family away from me. After a heated and emotional chat with the nurse she left and an hour later returned with news that they had found another room, this one private, that had the required fetal monitor in it. Two hours later I was wheeled bed and all into my new fabulous room!
It is huge! I have two great big windows that let me see the trees and sky. It is a radiation patient room so it is extra large and fits the family very well. I am so thankful for it!
We can be as loud as we want and we don't bother anyone. Thank you Lord!
We have really turned the room into "home." Mitch and the kids drew on two huge posters and My sister and I made one each with scripture and some pictures as well. It makes the white wall across from my bed much brighter. I also have family pictures on the window sill and pictures of Kennedi and William and Wyatt's last ultrasound on the wall so I can see them all day long. Two mini-rose plants are on the window sill as well and I am doing my best to keep them alive. So far so good. Yes the Lord has truly blessed me with a bright and lively room in the midst of the sterile hospital that I find myself in. He is so good.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Hospital Food
Okay so you are probably expecting me to complain about the food but I cannot. I love it! Too much I think. I have had to check myself because there are so many good...fried things to be had and they let me order all that I want. And always with the dessert option. :-) The first week or so I ate whatever I wanted and then I realized that I am not exercising at all now except for my physical therapy for my legs and the occasional walk to the bathroom, etc. So no I have started being more sensible and I only eat half of what they bring me. It is like eating at a restaurant very meal of the day.
Want to start the day with eggs, bacon, biscuit and gravy? Go for it. Side of hash browns with that? Why not. Lunch can be anything I want with about 20 options for sides, and yes, I could order one of everything...though I haven't tried that yet. I do know that I can order both mashed potatoes and baked at the same time and they just keep asking what else I want. :-)
So yes I am enjoying my hospital food (the desserts are amazing) and the freezer stocked with ice cream that I can have anytime I want. But have now decided that self-control must win out or I will literally have to be rolled out of here. I may start rating my meals if I get too bored...speaking of food they just brought my lunch! Gotta go.
Want to start the day with eggs, bacon, biscuit and gravy? Go for it. Side of hash browns with that? Why not. Lunch can be anything I want with about 20 options for sides, and yes, I could order one of everything...though I haven't tried that yet. I do know that I can order both mashed potatoes and baked at the same time and they just keep asking what else I want. :-)
So yes I am enjoying my hospital food (the desserts are amazing) and the freezer stocked with ice cream that I can have anytime I want. But have now decided that self-control must win out or I will literally have to be rolled out of here. I may start rating my meals if I get too bored...speaking of food they just brought my lunch! Gotta go.
July 20th, 26 weeks
We've beaten the odds and made it two weeks after rupture! 2/3 of women go into labor in the first two weeks so Praise God Wyatt is still inside growing and getting stronger. Not much to report thankfully. All is quiet and well. I have had not contractions or cramping and am on "auto pilot" as the nurses call it. They like "auto pilot" and so do I. I can't believe it has already been two weeks. When I heard that I was going to have to stay in the hospital for 10 weeks it knocked me down. But God has been gracious. And these two weeks have really gone by quickly. Let's hope the next 8 fly by :-)
Psalm 40:5
You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare to you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.
Psalm 40:16-17
But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually "Great is the Lord!" But as for me I am poor and needy but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!
He is so good. I will Praise the Lord!
Psalm 40:5
You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare to you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.
Psalm 40:16-17
But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually "Great is the Lord!" But as for me I am poor and needy but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!
He is so good. I will Praise the Lord!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Friday the 15th of July
The latest update with Wyatt and I is that things are still going well. We have made it a week and two days! So I am now over 25 weeks pregnant and thankful for every day that I get to stay that way. We had another ultrasound today to measure my amniotic fluid and it was a positive change! I am now at a 5+. Last week it was a 3 so that is really good news. Also 5 is within the "healthy" range for amniotic fluid...so is 24 though so we are just on the edge but I'll take it!
Also they got to see Wyatt practice breathing. That was really cool. We hadn't seen that before and that is encouraging because it means his lungs are developing and that is a good sign. We are still praying for 9 more weeks in the hospital before he comes out but every day is better than the last.
Psalm 33:20-22
"Our soul waits for the Lord, he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him because we trust in his holy mane. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you."
Also they got to see Wyatt practice breathing. That was really cool. We hadn't seen that before and that is encouraging because it means his lungs are developing and that is a good sign. We are still praying for 9 more weeks in the hospital before he comes out but every day is better than the last.
Psalm 33:20-22
"Our soul waits for the Lord, he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him because we trust in his holy mane. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you."
Hospital Adventure Begins
Right now I sit at St. John's Mercy in Springfield. I have been here for 10 days but let's start from the beginning.
Last Wednesday the 6th of July, when I was 24 weeks pregnant, I had severe contractions for about 15 minutes and then a few hours later thought I was leaking amniotic fluid. I called my doctor who advised me to go to the hospital and get monitored to make sure everything was okay. After a few tests came back positive they decided that I needed to stay the night to be safe. One of the tests that came back positive gave me a 19% chance of going into preterm labor. Not very conclusive but enough to keep me overnight. Thankfully Mitch and I had been out on a date so our kids were already safely tucked in at the High's and they were welcome to stay as long as needed. (Thanks so much Lance and Katie)
The next morning all seemed to be going well and I had been told that I would just need two weeks of good rest and could not pick up the kids or anything too heavy.
In about ten minutes my world got turned upside down. After another test my doctor finally confirmed that I was leaking amniotic fluid and because of that I could no longer go home but would have to travel to Springfield immediately by ambulance and stay on bed rest until the baby was born.
I can't tell you how desperate I felt or the amount of tears that flowed with that news. Fear for the baby's health, loss of not being able to see my kids every minute of everyday, loss of the ability to normal everyday things, not getting to see my husband, being totally out of control. Emotion crashed down on me almost too much to bear.
Before I was off to Springfield they gave me IV antibiotics to keep myself and baby free from infection. Infection can cause labor to begin and since I am no longer a sealed, safe environment for baby the chance of infection is high. They also gave me the first of two steroid shots meant to help the baby develop more quickly than normal. Preterm babies struggle with a lot of stuff but most of it comes from underdeveloped lungs, brain and intestines. Pneumonia, bleeding in the brain, and intestinal infection are some of the most common issues that premature babies deal with after they are born. Not to mention just figuring out how to handle light and sound and touch since they aren't supposed to have to deal with those kinds of things yet. The hope is that the steroids will help the baby develop more quickly and have less time on the ventilator, etc.
Soon I was off to Springfield and Mitch was headed home to pack my bags and then meet me as soon as possible. My mother and sister were also busy packing bags as they would come down to take care of the kids starting Friday night.
When I arrived at St. Johns Mercy I was taken to Labor and Delivery, put on 24 hour fetal monitoring and ordered a full ultrasound.
Then there was a lot of waiting. Waiting and fear and helplessness.
But I knew then that God was in control of all of this and that some how He would have it all work out for good. I was just scared.
A lot has changed in me in the last week and God has continued to show himself merciful and mighty in our lives. I will share more tomorrow but for now I need a break from the computer.
We appreciate all the prayers that we can get. And feel free to ask questions I'll answer them the best I can.
Last Wednesday the 6th of July, when I was 24 weeks pregnant, I had severe contractions for about 15 minutes and then a few hours later thought I was leaking amniotic fluid. I called my doctor who advised me to go to the hospital and get monitored to make sure everything was okay. After a few tests came back positive they decided that I needed to stay the night to be safe. One of the tests that came back positive gave me a 19% chance of going into preterm labor. Not very conclusive but enough to keep me overnight. Thankfully Mitch and I had been out on a date so our kids were already safely tucked in at the High's and they were welcome to stay as long as needed. (Thanks so much Lance and Katie)
The next morning all seemed to be going well and I had been told that I would just need two weeks of good rest and could not pick up the kids or anything too heavy.
In about ten minutes my world got turned upside down. After another test my doctor finally confirmed that I was leaking amniotic fluid and because of that I could no longer go home but would have to travel to Springfield immediately by ambulance and stay on bed rest until the baby was born.
I can't tell you how desperate I felt or the amount of tears that flowed with that news. Fear for the baby's health, loss of not being able to see my kids every minute of everyday, loss of the ability to normal everyday things, not getting to see my husband, being totally out of control. Emotion crashed down on me almost too much to bear.
Before I was off to Springfield they gave me IV antibiotics to keep myself and baby free from infection. Infection can cause labor to begin and since I am no longer a sealed, safe environment for baby the chance of infection is high. They also gave me the first of two steroid shots meant to help the baby develop more quickly than normal. Preterm babies struggle with a lot of stuff but most of it comes from underdeveloped lungs, brain and intestines. Pneumonia, bleeding in the brain, and intestinal infection are some of the most common issues that premature babies deal with after they are born. Not to mention just figuring out how to handle light and sound and touch since they aren't supposed to have to deal with those kinds of things yet. The hope is that the steroids will help the baby develop more quickly and have less time on the ventilator, etc.
Soon I was off to Springfield and Mitch was headed home to pack my bags and then meet me as soon as possible. My mother and sister were also busy packing bags as they would come down to take care of the kids starting Friday night.
When I arrived at St. Johns Mercy I was taken to Labor and Delivery, put on 24 hour fetal monitoring and ordered a full ultrasound.
Then there was a lot of waiting. Waiting and fear and helplessness.
But I knew then that God was in control of all of this and that some how He would have it all work out for good. I was just scared.
A lot has changed in me in the last week and God has continued to show himself merciful and mighty in our lives. I will share more tomorrow but for now I need a break from the computer.
We appreciate all the prayers that we can get. And feel free to ask questions I'll answer them the best I can.
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