I can't believe it, I am in care by parent!!!
Wyatt and I have been in this room together since 3pm. I have fed him twice, changed diapers, checked his vitals, and just held him while I watched tv and ate dinner. So far we are doing really well and hope to be out of here a little after noon tomorrow.
Can you believe it? Me Neither :-)
God is so good to have taken us through this journey and taken care of us so well. It isn't over now, I know. Know I go home and am mommy to 3 and wife to Mitch. It will be a wonderful change of scene. I know it is still work taking care of a newborn and all that running a house includes, but I am so ready! Bring it.
Was reading through a devotional that Mitch's Nanny gave me and it was really good. "Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and i will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." Psalm 23:6
The devotional talked about being disappointed in God because of our circumstances and how we can choose to keep faith in God or turn away. It is our choice, but God doesn't change no matter what we are going thorugh. That was really what held us all together these last 3 1/2 months. When I chose not to feel sorry for myself but to rejoice in the Lord, for he is good and He never changes, life was better. Life was doable. Life was good.
I am so thankful for the lessons learned these last months. Thankful for the new perspective I have on life, family, possessions, people, heaven, and purpose. God is good to draw us to himself. It is his grace that draws us in and his mercy that allows us to fellowship with him.
Thank God that he has called you into fellowship with him. We would be hopelessly lost without him. Romans 8 is awesome. vs 15-39 really struck me today though. Take a few minutes and read through it. I hope it encourages you and that the Spirit will draw your heart more deeply to our "Abba, Father"
Thanks so much for your prayers and support. We are finally headed home! Will let you know how life at home goes. Grace and peace to you in Christ Jesus!
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Closer to Home
Two nights ago, the 18th at 9:15pm, Wyatt took a stand. He pulled out his feeding tube for the last time. Since he had pulled it out and had been eating well the nurse asked for the doctor's permission to leave it out and see if he could do without it. He has been doing great ever since. He was still struggling a bit with his oxygen saturations so they decided to let him start "demand feeding." Their thinking behind this was that he would eat more and breath better if he decided when he was awake enough to eat. It has worked really well. His oxygen level has fallen a few times since then but has been of his oxygen since yesterday at 8am.
He is doing so well that they have started talking about the things we need to do before we head home. We took the CPR class today, went over almost all of the discharge papers (they show us how to take care of the baby on our own), brought the car seat in to make sure it hadn't been recalled and tomorrow he will take his car seat test. He has to sit in the car seat for a little over 2 hours and keep all his vitals strong. They do this to be sure that if something goes wrong he will be able to stay alive for the trip all the way home and back again. This is the only NICU nearby so this is where he would come back if need be.
They have started talking "care by parent" which means that I will get to move into a little room by the NICU and practice taking care of Wyatt without them for 24-48 hours, depending on how well he does. I am hoping to do that tomorrow and be home before the weekend is out...but if not I will still be okay. But, oh to be home, what unspeakable joy!
Tonight he is taking a 12 hour apnea test to make sure that he is breathing well at all times. If the test doesn't go well they will send us home with an apnea machine. I hope he does well, but part of me would like the safety of the machine. I always worry about my babies when I lay them down to sleep. I lie in bed wondering if they are still breathing and that was with healthy full term babies. So I imagine this will be harder to not worry about. God has taken care of him so far so I'll have to trust Him to keep him breathing if that is His plan. OR I could just keep him strapped to me at all times...
Have been thinking about doing that anyway to make up for all the time lost to us in the NICU. We have some serious mommy Wyatt cuddle time to make up.
I'll keep you posted, as always. Thank you so much for your prayers and support! We're almost home! After 3 1/2 months, we are almost home.
He is doing so well that they have started talking about the things we need to do before we head home. We took the CPR class today, went over almost all of the discharge papers (they show us how to take care of the baby on our own), brought the car seat in to make sure it hadn't been recalled and tomorrow he will take his car seat test. He has to sit in the car seat for a little over 2 hours and keep all his vitals strong. They do this to be sure that if something goes wrong he will be able to stay alive for the trip all the way home and back again. This is the only NICU nearby so this is where he would come back if need be.
They have started talking "care by parent" which means that I will get to move into a little room by the NICU and practice taking care of Wyatt without them for 24-48 hours, depending on how well he does. I am hoping to do that tomorrow and be home before the weekend is out...but if not I will still be okay. But, oh to be home, what unspeakable joy!
Tonight he is taking a 12 hour apnea test to make sure that he is breathing well at all times. If the test doesn't go well they will send us home with an apnea machine. I hope he does well, but part of me would like the safety of the machine. I always worry about my babies when I lay them down to sleep. I lie in bed wondering if they are still breathing and that was with healthy full term babies. So I imagine this will be harder to not worry about. God has taken care of him so far so I'll have to trust Him to keep him breathing if that is His plan. OR I could just keep him strapped to me at all times...
Have been thinking about doing that anyway to make up for all the time lost to us in the NICU. We have some serious mommy Wyatt cuddle time to make up.
I'll keep you posted, as always. Thank you so much for your prayers and support! We're almost home! After 3 1/2 months, we are almost home.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
More of the same
Ready to be all together as a family again.
Wyatt really is doing well though. He is eating so well that they are letting him sleep up to 4 hours at a time now before feeding him again. He is taking an of average 15mls over what they require of him at each feeding. So that is great. The bummer comes in because he is back on oxygen today. He just can't seem to figure out how to eat really well and breath really well at the same time. Either that or the eating just tires him out so much that he can't regulate his breathing. It is hard to see him struggle to thrive on his own. But he is still 10 days from his due date, so he has time. And if we stay past his due date, so be it. Just want what is best for him.
Please keep praying for Wyatt to get strong so we can go home. Pray for the rest of us to have joy in the waiting and patience while we wait. Pray for me to be a happy mommy as I drive from one place to another, each time leaving at least one of my children behind. Pray for Mitch as he is away from us a lot more in this season than he was even when I was in the hospital. And please pray for the other families in the NICU who have children who are far worse off then Wyatt. Pray that we would be a light to them, that God would give opportunities to minister to them and that He would give them peace in their storm.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
October 15th
Had the same nurse today that made the decision to change his bottle earlier in the week and started all this mess. Had to pray a lot before I saw her and was thankful for the reminder from Romans 12 that it is my job to renew my mind and not conform to this world. If I didn't serve the Lord then it would be fine to tell that lady off. But we have a higher call and I am glad that he reminded me of that this morning so that I could honor Him in the NICU.
Wyatt is doing better but is still weak. This morning I tried to nurse him and he immediately went haywire. They were going to just feed him through the tube but while they were getting it ready he calmed down and was alert and sucking his fingers, so I asked if we could try the bottle. He took 1/2 of his feeding. I was glad that I asked because the feeding tube really does feel like failure to me lately.
When I got to the car I turned on the radio and thought there had better be something encouraging on or I'm turning it off.
"And though my life is torn, I will praise you in this storm" was the first line I heard. It was perfect for the moment. Gotta love Casting Crowns. The song goes something like this: "I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord maker of heaven and earth.
I will praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands cause you are who you are, no matter where I am. Every tear I cry, you hold in your hands. And though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm."
That really is how I feel. I have to choose to praise him in this storm that we are living though. My other alternative is to pity myself and ask "why me?" And it isn't about me, it is about Him!
He is being glorified in this situation and he will continue to be. It is up to me to trust him, by his grace. And it helps to remember that he knows all my tears, worries, stress and he cares about them and carries them.
I truly serve a Great God!
The rest of the day was more of the same. He ate pretty good and had to be tube fed part. He did eat the whole bottle for Mitch at 7pm. He chugged it in 8 minutes flat. I also got to give him a bath for the first time. Not his first bath, that would be gross. He is a month old today. But it was my first time to bath him. It went well even though I was nervous at first. It was different from bathing a kid in the kitchen sink. There was an audience this time and the nurses made me nervous. But Wyatt did great. He didn't' even cry until I took him out of the water to dry him off.
They are going to try to take him off of the oxygen tonight. Praying that he will be strong enough to breath well on his own.
I'll let you know how he does. Thanks again for praying.
Wyatt is doing better but is still weak. This morning I tried to nurse him and he immediately went haywire. They were going to just feed him through the tube but while they were getting it ready he calmed down and was alert and sucking his fingers, so I asked if we could try the bottle. He took 1/2 of his feeding. I was glad that I asked because the feeding tube really does feel like failure to me lately.
When I got to the car I turned on the radio and thought there had better be something encouraging on or I'm turning it off.
"And though my life is torn, I will praise you in this storm" was the first line I heard. It was perfect for the moment. Gotta love Casting Crowns. The song goes something like this: "I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord maker of heaven and earth.
I will praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands cause you are who you are, no matter where I am. Every tear I cry, you hold in your hands. And though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm."
That really is how I feel. I have to choose to praise him in this storm that we are living though. My other alternative is to pity myself and ask "why me?" And it isn't about me, it is about Him!
He is being glorified in this situation and he will continue to be. It is up to me to trust him, by his grace. And it helps to remember that he knows all my tears, worries, stress and he cares about them and carries them.
I truly serve a Great God!
The rest of the day was more of the same. He ate pretty good and had to be tube fed part. He did eat the whole bottle for Mitch at 7pm. He chugged it in 8 minutes flat. I also got to give him a bath for the first time. Not his first bath, that would be gross. He is a month old today. But it was my first time to bath him. It went well even though I was nervous at first. It was different from bathing a kid in the kitchen sink. There was an audience this time and the nurses made me nervous. But Wyatt did great. He didn't' even cry until I took him out of the water to dry him off.
They are going to try to take him off of the oxygen tonight. Praying that he will be strong enough to breath well on his own.
I'll let you know how he does. Thanks again for praying.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Some fun times
I am usually updating you on what is going on in the NICU and let's face it, it is not always happy stuff. But we have a lot of fun here in Springfield. Kennedi and William are having a blast at the Ronald McDonald house, all the fun parks that we find, going to football games at the Kickapoo Chiefs stadium and watching Daddy and the future men boys play flag football every Saturday. We went to Andy's together (the fist time for Kennedi, William and myself) and had a blast...as you will see. My mom made a map of the back yard and took the kids on an adventure to find treasure! They found some snacks at the end of their journey and thought it was awesome. They play in the playroom every day, have too many books to read in a lifetime but we are trying to get to them all (not the mean ones though, Kennedi reminds me of that). William and Kennedi have started swinging in big swings without any straps and climb like monkeys up rock walls and slides. William very bravely shouts "I climbing" as he scurries up the wall. He is also a fan of "I do it my elf" that last word is supposed to be self but he says it elf. Too cute :-) The kids got to paint for the first time in their lives...yes I am that mom who never let them paint because it would be too much of a mess to deal with, so thank you Ronald McDonald house volunteers for doing it for me. They really did love it...maybe I'll do it when we get home...maybe.
The Ronald McDonald House
Several of you have asked what our living situation looks like right now so I thought I'd share some photos of the Ronald McDonald house with you. We have been very blessed to get to stay here. The staff are great and take wonderful care of us. Donate to them! :-)
Another day another journey
Well, thank you all for your prayers, but today was another hard day.
Wyatt did great last night, he ate even more than he was supposed to. YAY!
But this morning a little before 7am his respiration rate shot up and his oxygen level bottomed out below 70%.
When I arrived at 7 to feed him, he was back on oxygen and doing so poorly that they would not let me feed him. They weren't even going to let me hold him until I promised that if he got worse I would put him back. I got to hold him for 30 minutes. He was still breathing really fast and they had ordered another chest x-ray. I spoke to the doctor and she was very reassureing saying that he was getting close to being ready to go home but that having him eat all his feedings for the last 24 hours must have over tired him. They had not put the feeding tube back in yet and wanted to wait till 8:30 to see if he would eat on his own. I had to go home to wake up the kids so I left and said some prayers.
When I called at 9:30am he had his tube back in. They had tried to feed him but he choked immediately so they had to do the full feeding through the tube. They took the chest x-ray and it looked a little hazy but not bad. So all that was left to do was wait and see how he did when I got to go back at 12:30.
I walked in at 12:30 expecting to nurse but was told that he was too worked up to nurse but if we could get him to calm down (respiration rate below 60) I could try the bottle. When the nurse checked it was right at 60 so she let me try.
While I was holding him waiting for him to calm down to eat I noticed that his bottle had changed again to a much slower flow bottle that his occupational therapist had ordered last Friday. I asked about it because one of the nurses had switched him to a different bottle on Tuesday and even after I asked her to change it back she refused. This information sent my new nurse on a hunt for answers. I was very thankful for her. Some of the nurses don't take me very seriously, so to be listened to and to see her take action was refreshing.
She found the day when Wyatt's nurse had changed the bottle from the ordered one to a faster flow and what do you know, it was the day that things all fell apart. He had been doing fine and that day he was on oxygen for the first time since he was a week old, had three different blood tests in two days and two chest x-rays. My nurse said she couldn't say that the change in the bottles was what made all this happen but that it was "quite a coincidence."
I was upset...okay really mad at that first nurse who changed things just because she couldn't find the right bottle and was too lazy to go back and get a new one. But then I was just really thankful for Ashlee my nurse today and all she did to make it right. I now have the authority to tell any nurse "No, you may not change his bottle unless his OT orders it." Feels good to know that I can fight for my son and do it with permission from the NICU staff.
In the midst of all this research and new found authority, he finally settled down. He took the whole bottle and did really well. He was still on oxygen but it was good to see him eating well again. I got to hold him for a while longer and was off to the Ronald McDonald house again to be mommy to Kennedi and William.
His third feeding of the day was at 3:30 and we got him real worked up before we tried to feed him. He does not like getting vital signs or blood pressure taken. He was even mad when I took his temperature. He calmed down at 4 and literally chugged the milk from the bottle. He ate all 45mls in 8 minutes!!! And then he passed out. :-) So I just held him close and sang to him till it was time to go back home.
As of tonight his respiration is getting better and his is down to a very small amount of oxygen being added to his air. He did have to be tube fed at 7 but I think if we had been able to be there they might have tried to calm him down and then feed.
So we are letting Wyatt have a day or two to bounce back from this hard week and then they will reevaluate him to see if they will take the tube out again, etc.
Thanks so much for all of your prayers, encouragement and support. Please keep us in your prayers. And please pray for wisdom for all those taking care of our son.
Also I met a really nice grandmother on my way out of the hospital yesterday and her two year old granddaughter, Lainy, is in the ICU with brain cancer. They don't think that they can do anything for her. I can't imagine the agony that their family is going through to see their sweet daughter go from full of joy and energy to being confined to bed and struggling to survive. God knows what is to come in their lives, please pray that they will draw near to him in this time when nothing makes sense.
Wyatt did great last night, he ate even more than he was supposed to. YAY!
But this morning a little before 7am his respiration rate shot up and his oxygen level bottomed out below 70%.
When I arrived at 7 to feed him, he was back on oxygen and doing so poorly that they would not let me feed him. They weren't even going to let me hold him until I promised that if he got worse I would put him back. I got to hold him for 30 minutes. He was still breathing really fast and they had ordered another chest x-ray. I spoke to the doctor and she was very reassureing saying that he was getting close to being ready to go home but that having him eat all his feedings for the last 24 hours must have over tired him. They had not put the feeding tube back in yet and wanted to wait till 8:30 to see if he would eat on his own. I had to go home to wake up the kids so I left and said some prayers.
When I called at 9:30am he had his tube back in. They had tried to feed him but he choked immediately so they had to do the full feeding through the tube. They took the chest x-ray and it looked a little hazy but not bad. So all that was left to do was wait and see how he did when I got to go back at 12:30.
I walked in at 12:30 expecting to nurse but was told that he was too worked up to nurse but if we could get him to calm down (respiration rate below 60) I could try the bottle. When the nurse checked it was right at 60 so she let me try.
While I was holding him waiting for him to calm down to eat I noticed that his bottle had changed again to a much slower flow bottle that his occupational therapist had ordered last Friday. I asked about it because one of the nurses had switched him to a different bottle on Tuesday and even after I asked her to change it back she refused. This information sent my new nurse on a hunt for answers. I was very thankful for her. Some of the nurses don't take me very seriously, so to be listened to and to see her take action was refreshing.
She found the day when Wyatt's nurse had changed the bottle from the ordered one to a faster flow and what do you know, it was the day that things all fell apart. He had been doing fine and that day he was on oxygen for the first time since he was a week old, had three different blood tests in two days and two chest x-rays. My nurse said she couldn't say that the change in the bottles was what made all this happen but that it was "quite a coincidence."
I was upset...okay really mad at that first nurse who changed things just because she couldn't find the right bottle and was too lazy to go back and get a new one. But then I was just really thankful for Ashlee my nurse today and all she did to make it right. I now have the authority to tell any nurse "No, you may not change his bottle unless his OT orders it." Feels good to know that I can fight for my son and do it with permission from the NICU staff.
In the midst of all this research and new found authority, he finally settled down. He took the whole bottle and did really well. He was still on oxygen but it was good to see him eating well again. I got to hold him for a while longer and was off to the Ronald McDonald house again to be mommy to Kennedi and William.
His third feeding of the day was at 3:30 and we got him real worked up before we tried to feed him. He does not like getting vital signs or blood pressure taken. He was even mad when I took his temperature. He calmed down at 4 and literally chugged the milk from the bottle. He ate all 45mls in 8 minutes!!! And then he passed out. :-) So I just held him close and sang to him till it was time to go back home.
As of tonight his respiration is getting better and his is down to a very small amount of oxygen being added to his air. He did have to be tube fed at 7 but I think if we had been able to be there they might have tried to calm him down and then feed.
So we are letting Wyatt have a day or two to bounce back from this hard week and then they will reevaluate him to see if they will take the tube out again, etc.
Thanks so much for all of your prayers, encouragement and support. Please keep us in your prayers. And please pray for wisdom for all those taking care of our son.
Also I met a really nice grandmother on my way out of the hospital yesterday and her two year old granddaughter, Lainy, is in the ICU with brain cancer. They don't think that they can do anything for her. I can't imagine the agony that their family is going through to see their sweet daughter go from full of joy and energy to being confined to bed and struggling to survive. God knows what is to come in their lives, please pray that they will draw near to him in this time when nothing makes sense.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Feeding tube out!
Wyatt has had a lot of ups and downs lately but with all of it he has still been eating really well. He has only had to use the feeding tube twice in two days. He is also off the oxygen and doing pretty well. His oxygen saturation goes down now and then but doesn't stay down for long.
The doctor has put him on a 12 hour trial to see if he can eat what he needs without the tube. I had to promise not to have a meltdown if he had to get the tube in again in the morning. I promised, feeling confident that God's timing is over all of this so if Wyatt is not ready to go it alone we'll just keep waiting and praying.
So far he has eaten twice and has taken just under 100mls. His minimum requirement is 150mls, so he is doing well and is close. He could take that much in one feeding. So we are hopeful and praying for him to be able to do this on his own. That is one of the biggest steps toward going home that we have left.
Please join us in praying for Wyatt to be strong enough to do what he needs to do to get home...in God's perfect time. We've been here a month today (3 and 1/2 months total) and sure would love to be home as a family. But have been learning to wait for the last three months so we are prepared to stick it out as long as we need to.
I'll let you know how the night goes.
Thanks for all your prayers. Our family sure feels them. Energy and joy that have no rational reason to be there :-)
Grace to you.
The doctor has put him on a 12 hour trial to see if he can eat what he needs without the tube. I had to promise not to have a meltdown if he had to get the tube in again in the morning. I promised, feeling confident that God's timing is over all of this so if Wyatt is not ready to go it alone we'll just keep waiting and praying.
So far he has eaten twice and has taken just under 100mls. His minimum requirement is 150mls, so he is doing well and is close. He could take that much in one feeding. So we are hopeful and praying for him to be able to do this on his own. That is one of the biggest steps toward going home that we have left.
Please join us in praying for Wyatt to be strong enough to do what he needs to do to get home...in God's perfect time. We've been here a month today (3 and 1/2 months total) and sure would love to be home as a family. But have been learning to wait for the last three months so we are prepared to stick it out as long as we need to.
I'll let you know how the night goes.
Thanks for all your prayers. Our family sure feels them. Energy and joy that have no rational reason to be there :-)
Grace to you.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The last two days
Wyatt had a blood transfusion yesterday(10/10/11). He was anemic, not uncommon for premature babies since they have a harder time making more blood than term babies and they have their blood taken a lot to test for all kinds of things. The nurses reassured me that this was not an emergency procedure and that it should help his energy level as well as his coloring, etc. So that went well and he was doing well the rest of the day.
Today I called the NICU and the doctor had said that we could try to see if Wyatt could eat by himself with out the feeding tube. The feeding tube would remain in his nose, but if he ate 180mls in 12 hours or 4 feedings, they would take it out that night. We were stoked. I had thought that the blood transfusion would be a setback but this was looking good. Once the feeding tube is out it is only a matter of days till you get to got home...
Things looked good at his first two feedings, but his third he didn't take much so he needed a big feed at 4pm for us to make it. I was really hoping for it...a bit too much to be honest. But when I got there my perspective changed. He had two spells of reduced oxygen saturation in his blood while he was in deep sleep that day and the doctors were worried that it might mean he had a respiratory infection or pneumonia. The nurse had just finished taking blood work and had ordered a chest x-ray. He was on oxygen and was very tired from all the blood work. He ate a little but had to be fed the rest through the tube. The tests came back negative for infection but the x-ray was a bit hazy so the doctor ordered the tests to be taken again tomorrow morning. We are praying that everything is fine and that he is not sick but we are thankful that they are taking every precaution to keep him safe.
Sufficed to say he did not make is 180mls in 12 hours so the feeding tube is still in, but he did great at his 7pm and 10pm feedings so one never knows when he'll be strong enough to do it all on his own. We are praying for patience and trust in the Lord for His timing to bring Wyatt home, not ours.
I'll let you know if anything changes. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support in this hard time for our family. We have been so blessed by all of your care for us. God bless you too!
Today I called the NICU and the doctor had said that we could try to see if Wyatt could eat by himself with out the feeding tube. The feeding tube would remain in his nose, but if he ate 180mls in 12 hours or 4 feedings, they would take it out that night. We were stoked. I had thought that the blood transfusion would be a setback but this was looking good. Once the feeding tube is out it is only a matter of days till you get to got home...
Things looked good at his first two feedings, but his third he didn't take much so he needed a big feed at 4pm for us to make it. I was really hoping for it...a bit too much to be honest. But when I got there my perspective changed. He had two spells of reduced oxygen saturation in his blood while he was in deep sleep that day and the doctors were worried that it might mean he had a respiratory infection or pneumonia. The nurse had just finished taking blood work and had ordered a chest x-ray. He was on oxygen and was very tired from all the blood work. He ate a little but had to be fed the rest through the tube. The tests came back negative for infection but the x-ray was a bit hazy so the doctor ordered the tests to be taken again tomorrow morning. We are praying that everything is fine and that he is not sick but we are thankful that they are taking every precaution to keep him safe.
Sufficed to say he did not make is 180mls in 12 hours so the feeding tube is still in, but he did great at his 7pm and 10pm feedings so one never knows when he'll be strong enough to do it all on his own. We are praying for patience and trust in the Lord for His timing to bring Wyatt home, not ours.
I'll let you know if anything changes. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support in this hard time for our family. We have been so blessed by all of your care for us. God bless you too!
Peace in the midst of the storm
I am so thankful to have God on my side. If not for him I would have surely been undone to the point of no return. This time has been more than my strength could handle. I have been stretched beyond my own strength. My supposed control has been shattered. I control nothing. I would have surely despaired if my only solace was myself or the wisdom of man. But Praise God that he is ever over all things. He is the one who sustains life, all life. Mine, Wyatt's, Kennedi, William, Mitch....and yours. And He is good. No matter what is going on in my life, He is good.
I was tempted and fell into the temptation to pity myself in this season. The last two weeks I was flustered at every turn, disheartened, upset, feeling pretty hopeless. And yet I knew there was a better way. I knew that in Christ I could find rest...I just couldn't get there. Couldn't give it to him..not yet. So I held on and lived my own little "hell" when all I had to do was let go. And he would catch me. He would hold me. He would sustain me.
It took today seeing Wyatt with the oxygen tubes in his nose, the thought of pneumonia or worse or nothing...It took tears that turned to praise. Songs came to my heart and out of my mouth right there in the NICU. The one that was the most powerful to me was "Blessed be the name of the Lord"
Blessed be your name in the land that is plentiful, where the streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name when I'm found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be your name.
Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise, though the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say.
Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your name
you give and take away, you give and take away, My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name. "
I had been listening to John MacArthur teach on Psalm 103:1-4
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless his holy name, Bless the Lord, O my soul and forget not all his benefits who forgives all our sins, and heals all our diseases, who redeemed your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.
When I took a look around me I saw that even in this hard, dark time He is good and He is blessing me and taking care of me. When I looked outside of myself and saw that there is a world of hurting people in the NICU, at the Ronald McDonald House in Springfield and beyond, I knew that this is bigger than just "why me" and it needed to turn into "Blessed be your name, no matter what may come, Blessed be your name!" "Thank you for being here with me, for sustaining my life and Wyatt's, thank you for holding this whole universe in your hands and knowing all that is going on at all times. Thank you for being sovereign and just and merciful. Thank you Lord for being Lord of all!"
And peace was ushered into my heart. Peace that this storm had drowned out of my heart for far to long.
Thank you Lord for peace and rest. You are good and I will continue to praise your name!
I was tempted and fell into the temptation to pity myself in this season. The last two weeks I was flustered at every turn, disheartened, upset, feeling pretty hopeless. And yet I knew there was a better way. I knew that in Christ I could find rest...I just couldn't get there. Couldn't give it to him..not yet. So I held on and lived my own little "hell" when all I had to do was let go. And he would catch me. He would hold me. He would sustain me.
It took today seeing Wyatt with the oxygen tubes in his nose, the thought of pneumonia or worse or nothing...It took tears that turned to praise. Songs came to my heart and out of my mouth right there in the NICU. The one that was the most powerful to me was "Blessed be the name of the Lord"
Blessed be your name in the land that is plentiful, where the streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name when I'm found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be your name.
Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise, though the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say.
Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your name
you give and take away, you give and take away, My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name. "
I had been listening to John MacArthur teach on Psalm 103:1-4
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless his holy name, Bless the Lord, O my soul and forget not all his benefits who forgives all our sins, and heals all our diseases, who redeemed your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.
When I took a look around me I saw that even in this hard, dark time He is good and He is blessing me and taking care of me. When I looked outside of myself and saw that there is a world of hurting people in the NICU, at the Ronald McDonald House in Springfield and beyond, I knew that this is bigger than just "why me" and it needed to turn into "Blessed be your name, no matter what may come, Blessed be your name!" "Thank you for being here with me, for sustaining my life and Wyatt's, thank you for holding this whole universe in your hands and knowing all that is going on at all times. Thank you for being sovereign and just and merciful. Thank you Lord for being Lord of all!"
And peace was ushered into my heart. Peace that this storm had drowned out of my heart for far to long.
Thank you Lord for peace and rest. You are good and I will continue to praise your name!
Psalm 84
1How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD of hosts!2My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God.3Even the sparrow finds a home,and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, at your altars, O LORD of hosts, my King and my God. 4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house, ever singing your praise! Selah
5Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion.6As they go through the Valley of Baca they make it a place of springs;the early rain also covers it with pools.7They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion.8O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah
9 Behold our shield, O God; look on the face of your anointed!10For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.11For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor.No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.12O LORD of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!
Friday, October 7, 2011
The Whole Vaught Family
Here we are, the new Vaught clan. The kids get to see Wyatt once a week and this was the first time they met him on the 17th of September. A lot has happened since then, but we are very thankful to God for our new addition.
Monday, October 3, 2011
More life in Springfield
The last week has been a lot more up than down. Wyatt still struggles with Jaundice. They have diagnosed it as breast milk jaundice and took him off my milk for 24 hours yesterday. His level was down from 10.9 to 10.2. I was hoping that it would be further down than that but we are thankful that it is down.
He has started eating a lot better took his first full bottle on the 2nd with me and has had a lot of feeding times of over half of his milk. He is getting stronger! Praise God! He got to practice breastfeeding for the fist time today. It was very sweet. Felt like life is supposed to. Just wish we were at home not sitting in the middle of the NICU with partitions around us. But this is another step forward toward our goal of being home by the 27th.
Wyatt is starting to gain weight now and we are very excited. He weighs 5lbs 2 oz and is 18 inches long. When he was born he was 4lbs 12 oz and 17 3/4 inches long. Will have pics of him up soon.
There were several little issues with his muscles etc that resulted in his long stay in a low amniotic fluid environment. The 1o weeks inside were great in getting his insides developed, so the little things are not such a big deal. And they are doing better every day.
He had some tight muscles in his neck so he couldn't look to the left without pain. His right arm was very tight and couldn't straighten. His right foot was a bit twisted to the right. His Occupational Therapist, Ashlee, has done great work with him and all is going well. He has had three different boots for his foot and it looks just about as good as his left foot. His arm and neck are getting much looser and more flexible. We are very thankful for such good people taking care of our little man.
Thanks for your prayers and support. God is mighty!!!
He is taking care of all of us. Great is our God and greatly to be praised.
He has started eating a lot better took his first full bottle on the 2nd with me and has had a lot of feeding times of over half of his milk. He is getting stronger! Praise God! He got to practice breastfeeding for the fist time today. It was very sweet. Felt like life is supposed to. Just wish we were at home not sitting in the middle of the NICU with partitions around us. But this is another step forward toward our goal of being home by the 27th.
Wyatt is starting to gain weight now and we are very excited. He weighs 5lbs 2 oz and is 18 inches long. When he was born he was 4lbs 12 oz and 17 3/4 inches long. Will have pics of him up soon.
There were several little issues with his muscles etc that resulted in his long stay in a low amniotic fluid environment. The 1o weeks inside were great in getting his insides developed, so the little things are not such a big deal. And they are doing better every day.
He had some tight muscles in his neck so he couldn't look to the left without pain. His right arm was very tight and couldn't straighten. His right foot was a bit twisted to the right. His Occupational Therapist, Ashlee, has done great work with him and all is going well. He has had three different boots for his foot and it looks just about as good as his left foot. His arm and neck are getting much looser and more flexible. We are very thankful for such good people taking care of our little man.
Thanks for your prayers and support. God is mighty!!!
He is taking care of all of us. Great is our God and greatly to be praised.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Update on Wyatt's first 11 days
A lot has happened since I last updated this blog. Wyatt has lived in the NICU since the 15th and is expected to stay there till October 27th, his actual due date. We have had a lot of ups and downs in the last week and a half. Lots of joy and tears, breakdowns and celebrations, fear and ultimately trust again in the Lord's sovereignty even in this tumultuous time in our lives.
We are living in Springfield at the Ronald McDonald House. It is such a blessing! The house is amazing and the staff take wonderful care of us. They are totally spoiling the kids and we are loving being together as a family. Mitch has to go back to work tomorrow so it will be just me and the kids in Springfield and my mom is going to be there too until we get to take Wyatt home.
So here is the update. Wyatt was off of respiratory treatments, breathing on his own, maintaining his body heat, and was started on a feeding tube and was up to 18 milliliters per feeding on the 17th. Mitch also gave him his first bath that day. He had to be put under the bili lights because his bilirubin level went from a 8 to a 14.5 in less than 12 hours. He opened both of his eyes for the first time on the 18th. Until then it he would just open his left eye. It was fun to see him open his eyes and be more awake that day. He continued to do well with digesting food and took a pacifier for the first time on the 19th. Premature babies work from taking a pacifier to taking a bottle and then move to mom. So taking a pacifier for the first time was a great step.
One really cool thing happened on the 20th, a harpist actually came into the NICU to play for the babies. It was really neat to hear the music and cool that she comes to give the gift of music to the babies.
Another step forward on the 21st at 1 pm Wyatt took his first bottle and drank 10mls! We are on the way!!
I got to have my first skin to skin touch time with Wyatt on the 21st at 7pm. Mitch took the kids to a football game that night and they had a blast. They took Wyatt's pic line out so he was no longer on IV fluids after 10pm and he drank again from the bottle with Mitch.
Wyatt took another bottle the next day and I was telling the kids about it at breakfast. Kennedi asked "how many mls of milk do you want me to drink mama?" Too cute.
Wyatt is still under the lights on the 22nd and having a hard time keeping warm in an open crib with just a diaper on so they put him in an enclosed crib to help keep him warm. It helped a lot, hopefully he will be in an open crib once his bilirubin levels come down to a 7.
We had a step back today. Saturday the 24th. They had to start fortifying my milk with additional protein and minerals and Wyatt did not handle it very well. He didn't digest it at all overnight, so they had to put in an IV line again and reduced his feedings from 40mls to 19. It was really hard to see that IV back in and to see him go from doing well to not handling food. We had good talks with the doctor and nurse practitioner and felt better. Thankfully he was doing better the next day.
Kennedi and William get to visit Wyatt once a week for 30 minutes. They met him for the first time on Saturday the 17th. Kennedi had a lot of sweet things to say. "He's so cute" "I love him so much" William didn't have much to say. Wyatt is not very entertaining right now. Kennedi isn't very happy that she can't touch him, hold him or kiss him. She really wants to cuddle.
More to come...
We are living in Springfield at the Ronald McDonald House. It is such a blessing! The house is amazing and the staff take wonderful care of us. They are totally spoiling the kids and we are loving being together as a family. Mitch has to go back to work tomorrow so it will be just me and the kids in Springfield and my mom is going to be there too until we get to take Wyatt home.
So here is the update. Wyatt was off of respiratory treatments, breathing on his own, maintaining his body heat, and was started on a feeding tube and was up to 18 milliliters per feeding on the 17th. Mitch also gave him his first bath that day. He had to be put under the bili lights because his bilirubin level went from a 8 to a 14.5 in less than 12 hours. He opened both of his eyes for the first time on the 18th. Until then it he would just open his left eye. It was fun to see him open his eyes and be more awake that day. He continued to do well with digesting food and took a pacifier for the first time on the 19th. Premature babies work from taking a pacifier to taking a bottle and then move to mom. So taking a pacifier for the first time was a great step.
One really cool thing happened on the 20th, a harpist actually came into the NICU to play for the babies. It was really neat to hear the music and cool that she comes to give the gift of music to the babies.
Another step forward on the 21st at 1 pm Wyatt took his first bottle and drank 10mls! We are on the way!!
I got to have my first skin to skin touch time with Wyatt on the 21st at 7pm. Mitch took the kids to a football game that night and they had a blast. They took Wyatt's pic line out so he was no longer on IV fluids after 10pm and he drank again from the bottle with Mitch.
Wyatt took another bottle the next day and I was telling the kids about it at breakfast. Kennedi asked "how many mls of milk do you want me to drink mama?" Too cute.
Wyatt is still under the lights on the 22nd and having a hard time keeping warm in an open crib with just a diaper on so they put him in an enclosed crib to help keep him warm. It helped a lot, hopefully he will be in an open crib once his bilirubin levels come down to a 7.
We had a step back today. Saturday the 24th. They had to start fortifying my milk with additional protein and minerals and Wyatt did not handle it very well. He didn't digest it at all overnight, so they had to put in an IV line again and reduced his feedings from 40mls to 19. It was really hard to see that IV back in and to see him go from doing well to not handling food. We had good talks with the doctor and nurse practitioner and felt better. Thankfully he was doing better the next day.
Kennedi and William get to visit Wyatt once a week for 30 minutes. They met him for the first time on Saturday the 17th. Kennedi had a lot of sweet things to say. "He's so cute" "I love him so much" William didn't have much to say. Wyatt is not very entertaining right now. Kennedi isn't very happy that she can't touch him, hold him or kiss him. She really wants to cuddle.
More to come...
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Welcome Wyatt
Wyatt was born Sept. 15th at 2:04 pm. He was 34 weeks and after 10 weeks of living in a very shallow pool, it was time for him to make his way into the world.
He arrived as we expected, weak and needing lots of help. But soon showed us the "war strength" (the meaning of his name) that was in him. And that all the prayer for the last 10 weeks was powerful indeed.
He was intubated as soon as he got to the NICU. His lungs were premature and not working as well as the doctors would have liked. The doctor thought he would be on the respirator for at least a few days. After a dose of surflactant (lung medicine) and a short 14 hours, the tube was out. He was breathing on his own with a shield that increased the oxygen level to give a bit of a boost. He continued to have the shield for the rest of the day on Friday but by the end of the day didn't even need that anymore.
He was being fed through and iv with glucose water and under a heating element to keep him warm. But the fact that he was breathing so well day 1 was a miracle.
We got to hold him for the first time at 7pm Friday. It was wonderful!!!! Finally cried. Such joy in being a mom and loving the children that I have been given. It was so sweet to finally just be with him and not have to watch others take care of him. Have loved every minute of holding him since. Mitch took tons of pictures and I'll put some up in the next day or so.
Saturday was another day of greatness for little Wyatt. We came to see him first thing in the morning and he was in a normal crib. He was a good weight so they thought they'd see if he could maintain his body temp. Mitch got to change his diaper and put on his very first outfit. Then we wrapped him up and held him for a while. They had also said that it would probably be a few days till he could start a feeding tube with formula and/or breast milk, but they were starting that at 2pm. He is such a strong boy! I got to hold him for the full 30 minutes it took for him to get the 10 mls of formula and then held him awhile longer so reflux wouldn't be an issue. He did so great that they started adding 2 mls per feeding all day long!
Kennedi and William came to meet him. They were so excited and got to wear little gowns to keep the germs off. They liked dressing up and getting to meet Wyatt. Kennedi was sad that she couldn't hold him or touch him yet but kept saying that she loved him and he was so cute and he looked like her. William was not so enthusiastic but he's 2 so go figure. He had a good attitude and smiled for all the pictures so that is really good.
By the end of the day Wyatt has already been taken off respiratory treatments and his breathing well on his own, is maintaining his body heat, digesting the food well enough for them to continue to increase it, and had his first bm!
We are such proud parents and are so thankful to God for taking such great care of him! We are blessed to be chosen to care for him and blessed to see every day how powerful God is to heal and protect this little one.
Thanks again for your prayers...more Wyatt fun to come!
He arrived as we expected, weak and needing lots of help. But soon showed us the "war strength" (the meaning of his name) that was in him. And that all the prayer for the last 10 weeks was powerful indeed.
He was intubated as soon as he got to the NICU. His lungs were premature and not working as well as the doctors would have liked. The doctor thought he would be on the respirator for at least a few days. After a dose of surflactant (lung medicine) and a short 14 hours, the tube was out. He was breathing on his own with a shield that increased the oxygen level to give a bit of a boost. He continued to have the shield for the rest of the day on Friday but by the end of the day didn't even need that anymore.
He was being fed through and iv with glucose water and under a heating element to keep him warm. But the fact that he was breathing so well day 1 was a miracle.
We got to hold him for the first time at 7pm Friday. It was wonderful!!!! Finally cried. Such joy in being a mom and loving the children that I have been given. It was so sweet to finally just be with him and not have to watch others take care of him. Have loved every minute of holding him since. Mitch took tons of pictures and I'll put some up in the next day or so.
Saturday was another day of greatness for little Wyatt. We came to see him first thing in the morning and he was in a normal crib. He was a good weight so they thought they'd see if he could maintain his body temp. Mitch got to change his diaper and put on his very first outfit. Then we wrapped him up and held him for a while. They had also said that it would probably be a few days till he could start a feeding tube with formula and/or breast milk, but they were starting that at 2pm. He is such a strong boy! I got to hold him for the full 30 minutes it took for him to get the 10 mls of formula and then held him awhile longer so reflux wouldn't be an issue. He did so great that they started adding 2 mls per feeding all day long!
Kennedi and William came to meet him. They were so excited and got to wear little gowns to keep the germs off. They liked dressing up and getting to meet Wyatt. Kennedi was sad that she couldn't hold him or touch him yet but kept saying that she loved him and he was so cute and he looked like her. William was not so enthusiastic but he's 2 so go figure. He had a good attitude and smiled for all the pictures so that is really good.
By the end of the day Wyatt has already been taken off respiratory treatments and his breathing well on his own, is maintaining his body heat, digesting the food well enough for them to continue to increase it, and had his first bm!
We are such proud parents and are so thankful to God for taking such great care of him! We are blessed to be chosen to care for him and blessed to see every day how powerful God is to heal and protect this little one.
Thanks again for your prayers...more Wyatt fun to come!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Expect the Unexpected
We were wheeled over to labor and delivery Wednesday night at 10pm. We were excited and nervous but hopeful that all would go well and that I would deliver Wyatt sometime the next day.
The doctors had anticipated that I would be dilated to at least a one and be able to use a non-medical procedure to help me progress. Sadly after I was checked I was not a full one and was not able to do that procedure.
Pitocin it is. Bummer.
They started off slowly but I was soon contracting every 2 to 4 minutes. I wasn't able to sleep. Not because it hurt too bad, just a lot of distractions: Blood pressure checks, alarms on the iv drip going off, etc. After 12 hours of labor the doctor checked me again and I had not progressed past a 1 and still could not get the balloon in place. A few hours later the doctor came back in with news that Wyatt's heart rate had been erratic for over an hour and that after much thought and consulting with the high risk doctor, they thought it was time to get him out. If I had been dilated at all they would have been more patient, but because it looked like we would be in labor for another 12 hours or more. And Wyatt wasn't going to handle that much more labor.
I was disappointed, but the labor had been the hardest of all three labors so I was ready to be done. Just didn't want another caesarian. But God was in control and the doctors that were there were given to my by Him to take care of both Wyatt and myself. So I chose to trust their decision. Very shortly I was wheeled to the operating room.
I was really nervous. Last time I had a caesarian I was totally under. The idea of being awake for it was a bit menacing. But they got me all ready and let Mitch come in and then a few minutes and some very uncomfortable pushing by the doctor on my belly later, Wyatt was born and the neonatologist was looking him over. Mitch got to see him before they took him to the NICU. He said he looked just like Kennedi. It was weird not to get to see him or hold him after he was born. He didn't cry or anything either. They had to help him breath at first. All very strange but God took good care of him. And the pain of rest of the procedure soon distracted me from wondering how he was.
After being monitored for 2 hours they let me go see Wyatt in the NICU. He didn't seem too small at the time. All the wires and tubes going in and out of him were a bit daunting but he seemed to be doing well and was in good hands. So with the help of my friend morphine, I let them do their jobs and went back to the room to sleep.
More about Wyatt to come...
The doctors had anticipated that I would be dilated to at least a one and be able to use a non-medical procedure to help me progress. Sadly after I was checked I was not a full one and was not able to do that procedure.
Pitocin it is. Bummer.
They started off slowly but I was soon contracting every 2 to 4 minutes. I wasn't able to sleep. Not because it hurt too bad, just a lot of distractions: Blood pressure checks, alarms on the iv drip going off, etc. After 12 hours of labor the doctor checked me again and I had not progressed past a 1 and still could not get the balloon in place. A few hours later the doctor came back in with news that Wyatt's heart rate had been erratic for over an hour and that after much thought and consulting with the high risk doctor, they thought it was time to get him out. If I had been dilated at all they would have been more patient, but because it looked like we would be in labor for another 12 hours or more. And Wyatt wasn't going to handle that much more labor.
I was disappointed, but the labor had been the hardest of all three labors so I was ready to be done. Just didn't want another caesarian. But God was in control and the doctors that were there were given to my by Him to take care of both Wyatt and myself. So I chose to trust their decision. Very shortly I was wheeled to the operating room.
I was really nervous. Last time I had a caesarian I was totally under. The idea of being awake for it was a bit menacing. But they got me all ready and let Mitch come in and then a few minutes and some very uncomfortable pushing by the doctor on my belly later, Wyatt was born and the neonatologist was looking him over. Mitch got to see him before they took him to the NICU. He said he looked just like Kennedi. It was weird not to get to see him or hold him after he was born. He didn't cry or anything either. They had to help him breath at first. All very strange but God took good care of him. And the pain of rest of the procedure soon distracted me from wondering how he was.
After being monitored for 2 hours they let me go see Wyatt in the NICU. He didn't seem too small at the time. All the wires and tubes going in and out of him were a bit daunting but he seemed to be doing well and was in good hands. So with the help of my friend morphine, I let them do their jobs and went back to the room to sleep.
More about Wyatt to come...
Monday, September 12, 2011
Due date and Time
We now have an official time when they will wheel me out of this room that I have lived in for 2 1/2 months and take me to labor and delivery. They will move me over at 10 pm this Wednesday! Less than 3 days from now. How unbelievable is that?! And we will start the induction process that night.
Please keep us in your prayers that all will go well and we will all be safe. We are in His hands but it is still hard not to be a little anxious about this unknown. I know he will be faithful so I will hold to that. Thanks in advance for all your prayers for the labor process. We will update Facebook and this blog when little Wyatt makes his way into this world.
Thanks for following us through this process. I'm sure life in the NICU will give me plenty to fill you in on as well.
Still so thankful to God for giving us the full 34 weeks of pregnancy and great doctors here at St. Johns Mercy. And for all of you and the prayers that you have sent on our behalf.
He is faithful, He is Mighty. Praise the Lord.
Please keep us in your prayers that all will go well and we will all be safe. We are in His hands but it is still hard not to be a little anxious about this unknown. I know he will be faithful so I will hold to that. Thanks in advance for all your prayers for the labor process. We will update Facebook and this blog when little Wyatt makes his way into this world.
Thanks for following us through this process. I'm sure life in the NICU will give me plenty to fill you in on as well.
Still so thankful to God for giving us the full 34 weeks of pregnancy and great doctors here at St. Johns Mercy. And for all of you and the prayers that you have sent on our behalf.
He is faithful, He is Mighty. Praise the Lord.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
33 weeks!
We are 33 weeks today. 7 days from today and Wyatt will be here. I little intimidating, yes, but exciting too. The weeks and months that follow are a total unknown to us. We've never had a premi before. But God has taken us this far, so I know he will continue to carry us through.
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. We'll let you know when he gets here!
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. We'll let you know when he gets here!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Week 9
I have now lived here for 62 days. Tomorrow will be our 33 week mark. How amazing is that? In 8 days I will be holding a baby boy! Can't believe it. Feels weird that I have been waiting for 9 weeks for this but am still anxious about the reality of the 15th being Wyatt's birthday. You'd think that since I've had two kids already the idea of a newborn would be a snap to grasp but not quite. Lots of unknowns that I don't really want to think about...but will become reality soon enough. So thankful that starting on Saturday afternoon, Mitch will be off for two weeks. Couldn't have planned that better ourselves could we? God is so good! We also have family in town, my dad's cousin, that have opened their home to us to stay as long as we need. They live just up the road and have given us free reign of their basement when we need it and as long as we need it. How amazing is that?! Again, God is good!
So even though things are scary and unknown, I Know that He will take care of us, No matter what!
Here are a few verses I found today. Take a look. God is good. He is good All Of The Time!
Psalm 146: 1-2
Praise the LORD! Praise the Lord, O my soul! I will praise the Lords as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.
Psalm 146:5-10
Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, who keeps faith forever; who executes justice for the oppressed, who gives food to the hungry. The LORD sets the prisoners free; the LORD opens the eyes of the blind. The LORD lifts up those who are bowed down; the LORD loves the righteous. The LORD watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin. The LORD will reign forever, your God, O Zion, to all generations. Praise the LORD!
Psalm 147:3-5
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure.
Psalm 147:10-11
His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, but the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.
So even though things are scary and unknown, I Know that He will take care of us, No matter what!
Here are a few verses I found today. Take a look. God is good. He is good All Of The Time!
Psalm 146: 1-2
Praise the LORD! Praise the Lord, O my soul! I will praise the Lords as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.
Psalm 146:5-10
Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, who keeps faith forever; who executes justice for the oppressed, who gives food to the hungry. The LORD sets the prisoners free; the LORD opens the eyes of the blind. The LORD lifts up those who are bowed down; the LORD loves the righteous. The LORD watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin. The LORD will reign forever, your God, O Zion, to all generations. Praise the LORD!
Psalm 147:3-5
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure.
Psalm 147:10-11
His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, but the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Finding Peace
There have been many ups and downs in the last 61 days here at the hospital. Sunday night I had another down. I had been praying for peace for a few days. Feeling silly that I had less than 2 weeks left and was finding it so hard to have joy. I asked and asked God to give me peace but it did not come. That night watching my kids drive away was more than I could handle. The tears came and I let them come. I may be closer to the end but that doesn't diminish the trail that I have been going though. Thankfully Mitch got to stay with me that night since his parents were in town taking care of the kids. We had a lot of fun together but my mood was still fluctuating. That night we had just gone to bed and I couldn't sleep. I laid there for 2o minutes or so but sleep alluded me. I prayed for rest, for peace, for hope... finally I got up to go to the bathroom and started to cry again. I was tired not sleepy just tired. Tired of being here without my family, tired of this hospital room, tired of my circumstance. Mitch woke up and prayed with me and had good words of encouragement as well. After reading for awhile and praying some more I finally fell asleep.
I woke the next day with joy. I was so thankful for it because it had been days since I had felt real joy, joy of the Lord. We had a great day that day. Our friends the Phaups came to visit on their way out of town (we love them so much and seeing them even for a short time was very uplifting), Mitch's parents got to spend some more time with us before they left to go back to Texas (we had such a great time with them over Labor Day weekend and were so blessed to have them here. The kids love them so much and we were all sad to see them go. But still grateful that they got to come at all. We miss them very much), and my parents came for the week (I am glad that they are here and that my mom is staying till after Wyatt is born. It is nice to know that we will have the help we need to get back to life as "usual" after all of this. Whatever the usual will look like with three kids. But at least we will be home and be together!!! Amen to that!)
When spending time with the Lord this morning I was finishing a devotional that Mitch's Nanie sent me and it was on Peace. Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You."
My peace was not an instant peace, not the peace that I wanted days ago. My peace came with daily, sometimes hourly supplication to the Lord. I wanted it to come quickly...have I learned nothing from my waiting here at the hospital? But God in his mercy made me wait. And in the waiting came a deeper dependence on Him for the peace that I so desired. I could not make it come. I did not have the strength. But He did. And how much sweeter was the answer for having had to wait for it.
Most of my lessons take time to learn...Thankful that He is willing to take the time to help me learn to trust him for the outcome and not myself. His power is made perfect in my weakness.
I woke the next day with joy. I was so thankful for it because it had been days since I had felt real joy, joy of the Lord. We had a great day that day. Our friends the Phaups came to visit on their way out of town (we love them so much and seeing them even for a short time was very uplifting), Mitch's parents got to spend some more time with us before they left to go back to Texas (we had such a great time with them over Labor Day weekend and were so blessed to have them here. The kids love them so much and we were all sad to see them go. But still grateful that they got to come at all. We miss them very much), and my parents came for the week (I am glad that they are here and that my mom is staying till after Wyatt is born. It is nice to know that we will have the help we need to get back to life as "usual" after all of this. Whatever the usual will look like with three kids. But at least we will be home and be together!!! Amen to that!)
When spending time with the Lord this morning I was finishing a devotional that Mitch's Nanie sent me and it was on Peace. Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You."
My peace was not an instant peace, not the peace that I wanted days ago. My peace came with daily, sometimes hourly supplication to the Lord. I wanted it to come quickly...have I learned nothing from my waiting here at the hospital? But God in his mercy made me wait. And in the waiting came a deeper dependence on Him for the peace that I so desired. I could not make it come. I did not have the strength. But He did. And how much sweeter was the answer for having had to wait for it.
Most of my lessons take time to learn...Thankful that He is willing to take the time to help me learn to trust him for the outcome and not myself. His power is made perfect in my weakness.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Celebrating 28 weeks picture
Steve and Brenda said that if we made it to 28 weeks we would have to have a party. They took it upon themselves to supply the treats and balloons! How cool is that?! They are very sweet and we are very blessed by them. Love you both!!!
32 weeks!
I can't believe we made it! Only 14 days left and we'll have beaten all the odds.
I've lived in the hospital for 57 days and am in the less than 1% of women who stay pregnant this long after a premature rupture of membranes. All is going well. We had a bit of a scare on Friday...some contractions that turned out to be nothing but they sure did drive me to pray, pray, pray! God was gracious to keep Wyatt safely inside me another week! Even if I were to have him today he would be so much better off than a week ago. We are ever so thankful for every day that Wyatt has had to grow inside my "incubator" as the doctors here like to call it :-)
We had an ultrasound this week and it all looked good. Wyatt is growing well and they think he's about 4 lbs 4 oz. All of his organs etc looked great and though the amniotic fluid is down to a 4 they don't seem worried about it. All of our Non Stress Tests are still going well and he moves around a lot! All good things as far as his health and safety go. So keep Praising God with us, he is doing great things!
Mitch's parents got here last night and are taking care of the kids for a few days. We are so glad that they got to come up. Part of me wants to have Wyatt while they are here so they can meet him, but we'll let God's timing be sovereign (not that we have a choice). It is great to have family here. We were so blessed by those of you that opened your homes to our children. We couldn't have made it through this without you. But there is something about the kids getting to stay home and Mitch not having to drive somewhere every day that makes life less stressful. And he deserves less stress. That man has taken on all of my jobs while still doing his. He even mopped the floor last week! I got a great guy in him and am more thankful for him every day. Thanks honey, I love you!
I've lived in the hospital for 57 days and am in the less than 1% of women who stay pregnant this long after a premature rupture of membranes. All is going well. We had a bit of a scare on Friday...some contractions that turned out to be nothing but they sure did drive me to pray, pray, pray! God was gracious to keep Wyatt safely inside me another week! Even if I were to have him today he would be so much better off than a week ago. We are ever so thankful for every day that Wyatt has had to grow inside my "incubator" as the doctors here like to call it :-)
We had an ultrasound this week and it all looked good. Wyatt is growing well and they think he's about 4 lbs 4 oz. All of his organs etc looked great and though the amniotic fluid is down to a 4 they don't seem worried about it. All of our Non Stress Tests are still going well and he moves around a lot! All good things as far as his health and safety go. So keep Praising God with us, he is doing great things!
Mitch's parents got here last night and are taking care of the kids for a few days. We are so glad that they got to come up. Part of me wants to have Wyatt while they are here so they can meet him, but we'll let God's timing be sovereign (not that we have a choice). It is great to have family here. We were so blessed by those of you that opened your homes to our children. We couldn't have made it through this without you. But there is something about the kids getting to stay home and Mitch not having to drive somewhere every day that makes life less stressful. And he deserves less stress. That man has taken on all of my jobs while still doing his. He even mopped the floor last week! I got a great guy in him and am more thankful for him every day. Thanks honey, I love you!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Bat Battle
There is no way I will do this story justice but here goes...
On Tuesday morning, Mitch was filling up Rocky's water dish and he noticed that the siding under our eve was loose and hanging a bit. He lifted the flap and down fell droppings. Yuck! He thought they were from a rat or something but didn't have time to investigate further because he had to get the kids to the Lingners' and get to work. He did some investigating online and found out that rat and bat droppings look about the same and that there are bats in our area. Vampire bats even...they like to bite.
So Thursday afternoon after he had laid the kids down for nap he prepared for battle. He took a ladder and a tennis racket and took a look. He lifted the flap and right in his face, there it was, a bat just staring back at him. He slammed the siding back down and started banging on it with the tennis racket.
Thinking he had at least stunned if not killed the bat he lifted the siding again. This time the bat was staring right back at him, teeth gleaming and hissing. It was go time. Mitch tore the siding off and started whacking at the bat. A fierce battle ensued but the bat gave flight and hid in a tree. Mitch was victorious!
He cleaned out the area and then hammered the siding back tight. No more freeloading bats allowed.
So proud of my husband for taking on a bat and so glad that I wasn't there. Bats...gross.
On Tuesday morning, Mitch was filling up Rocky's water dish and he noticed that the siding under our eve was loose and hanging a bit. He lifted the flap and down fell droppings. Yuck! He thought they were from a rat or something but didn't have time to investigate further because he had to get the kids to the Lingners' and get to work. He did some investigating online and found out that rat and bat droppings look about the same and that there are bats in our area. Vampire bats even...they like to bite.
So Thursday afternoon after he had laid the kids down for nap he prepared for battle. He took a ladder and a tennis racket and took a look. He lifted the flap and right in his face, there it was, a bat just staring back at him. He slammed the siding back down and started banging on it with the tennis racket.
Thinking he had at least stunned if not killed the bat he lifted the siding again. This time the bat was staring right back at him, teeth gleaming and hissing. It was go time. Mitch tore the siding off and started whacking at the bat. A fierce battle ensued but the bat gave flight and hid in a tree. Mitch was victorious!
He cleaned out the area and then hammered the siding back tight. No more freeloading bats allowed.
So proud of my husband for taking on a bat and so glad that I wasn't there. Bats...gross.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Ambien Experience
Not sure how to spell that medicine's name but I am sure of one thing...It Works!
I didn't sleep well at all on Saturday and Sunday night, so by Monday I was really tired. My nurses had told me that I could have an ambien anytime I needed one, so I thought, Why not.
It was midnight when I took it and I usually sleep till 8am so I thought it would work out great...Not so much. I woke up groggy, ordered breakfast, and fell back asleep. Woke up when my food arrived 40 minutes later, ate, called the nurse to be put on the fetal monitor, and fell asleep. Woke up, was put on the monitor, and fell asleep. Woke up to be taken off the monitor and fell back to sleep. Heard my housekeeper Wanda come in to clean, tired to say something to her...no words came out, didn't even know if she cleaned the room because I was sound asleep. Finally woke up at 11:30, ordered lunch, took a shower, ate lunch and then took a two hour nap! Woke up at 4pm.
After that I was awake for the rest of the day but had slept through most of it.
So crazy. I have never experienced that kind of knock out. Won't be doing that again anytime soon :-)
I didn't sleep well at all on Saturday and Sunday night, so by Monday I was really tired. My nurses had told me that I could have an ambien anytime I needed one, so I thought, Why not.
It was midnight when I took it and I usually sleep till 8am so I thought it would work out great...Not so much. I woke up groggy, ordered breakfast, and fell back asleep. Woke up when my food arrived 40 minutes later, ate, called the nurse to be put on the fetal monitor, and fell asleep. Woke up, was put on the monitor, and fell asleep. Woke up to be taken off the monitor and fell back to sleep. Heard my housekeeper Wanda come in to clean, tired to say something to her...no words came out, didn't even know if she cleaned the room because I was sound asleep. Finally woke up at 11:30, ordered lunch, took a shower, ate lunch and then took a two hour nap! Woke up at 4pm.
After that I was awake for the rest of the day but had slept through most of it.
So crazy. I have never experienced that kind of knock out. Won't be doing that again anytime soon :-)
31 weeks on 8/25
Well we made it to 31 weeks and all is going well with baby Wyatt. I am a bit stir crazy but knowing that we only have 3 weeks max makes it seem more doable. Who would have guessed I'd live in a hospital for over 7 weeks of my life? And I'm not even sick! Life is crazy sometimes but it is all good. I've been reading a lot and found some great quotes about troubles.
"There must be a trial. For as long as the flesh has everything agreeable and according to its inclinations, the soul will never wholly and with power cling to the Lord." Andrew Murray
"Trouble is here. It is for a purpose. Use it for the purpose for which it was intended- to help you grow. Thank God for your troubles." Dr. Norman Vincent Peale
God really has used this time to draw myself and Mitch closer to him and closer to each other. I didn't think it was possible to love my husband more than I did. But it is and I do. We may be farther apart in location but we are closer in spirit than we have ever been. Walking through this trial together has really challenged us to cling to God and to support each other in all things. And we have already come out stronger. I find myself loving more and more of his character every day. So thankful to the Lord for revealing more of the fabulous qualities that he has put in my husband. Am so blessed to be his wife.
"There must be a trial. For as long as the flesh has everything agreeable and according to its inclinations, the soul will never wholly and with power cling to the Lord." Andrew Murray
"Trouble is here. It is for a purpose. Use it for the purpose for which it was intended- to help you grow. Thank God for your troubles." Dr. Norman Vincent Peale
God really has used this time to draw myself and Mitch closer to him and closer to each other. I didn't think it was possible to love my husband more than I did. But it is and I do. We may be farther apart in location but we are closer in spirit than we have ever been. Walking through this trial together has really challenged us to cling to God and to support each other in all things. And we have already come out stronger. I find myself loving more and more of his character every day. So thankful to the Lord for revealing more of the fabulous qualities that he has put in my husband. Am so blessed to be his wife.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
True Sight
I was reading through a daily devotional that Mitch's Nanie sent to me titled, The Miracle of Sight. It was in reference to John 9:15 when Jesus healed the blind man. The woman who wrote it explained how Jesus heals that man's physical blindness and that He is powerful to heal our spiritual blindness as well. Through him we see ourselves as we really are. We are made aware of the sins that we might try to justify without his spirit leading us to repentance. She concluded by saying "Let's be sure to spend enough time with Him, allowing Him to remove the sin that blinds us."
It was a great reminder to me of why spending time with Jesus every day is so important. There are times in my life when I have justified sin or been totally blind to it until someone else pointed it out. Without a clean heart, right spirit and renewed mind, what chance do any of us have in making the right choices and not being hopeless slaves to sin? I fool myself when I think I can make it though a day without him. I pray that every day I will spend time with him so that I too can have true sight and walk in his presence.
It was a great reminder to me of why spending time with Jesus every day is so important. There are times in my life when I have justified sin or been totally blind to it until someone else pointed it out. Without a clean heart, right spirit and renewed mind, what chance do any of us have in making the right choices and not being hopeless slaves to sin? I fool myself when I think I can make it though a day without him. I pray that every day I will spend time with him so that I too can have true sight and walk in his presence.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Dr. Bobbie Bear
One of the best Patient Care Associates at this hospital is named Bobbie. I have had the chance to get to know her over the last 6 weeks and she is wonderful and sweet. She is a mother and grandmother and she takes care of me as well as my kids when they are here.
Last week she started letting Kennedi practice taking her temperature orally when I got my vitals taken. Both kids love to get their vitals now and almost always get their pulse and oxygen levels after I do.
Well, last friday, the 12th, Kennedi had a fever and we were stuck at the hospital not knowing what to do. We didn't have medicine here or a way to check her temperature. And who do you think walked in for the evening shift...Bobbie! She was an angel. She took Kennedi's temperature and it was just under 100 degrees. We told her we didn't have any children's Tylenol and she offered to go get some for us. The pharmacy won't sell it to anyone but hospital staff. So off she went and came back with two different bottles. She wouldn't let us repay her either. Then she said she'd be back in an hour to see how things were going.
Kennedi's temp had gone up slightly after an hour, but she was looking better and was not as upset. Bobbie said she knew just the thing to make her feel better and was off again. When she came back there was something hidden under her nurses jacket. She walked over to Kennedi and pulled out a stuffed bear complete with embroidered St. John's Mercy doctor's jacket. Kennedi's face lit up! Bobbie told her that she needed to name Dr. Bear and keep it with her over night and she would feel so much better in the morning! It was so sweet!
Well, Kennedi did name the bear, Dr. Bobbie Bear, and she has slept with it every night since. The fever only lasted a couple of days with no other symptoms. We were very thankful for that and that God made sure Bobbie was taking care of us that night. We wouldn't have made it through so well without her.
Last week she started letting Kennedi practice taking her temperature orally when I got my vitals taken. Both kids love to get their vitals now and almost always get their pulse and oxygen levels after I do.
Well, last friday, the 12th, Kennedi had a fever and we were stuck at the hospital not knowing what to do. We didn't have medicine here or a way to check her temperature. And who do you think walked in for the evening shift...Bobbie! She was an angel. She took Kennedi's temperature and it was just under 100 degrees. We told her we didn't have any children's Tylenol and she offered to go get some for us. The pharmacy won't sell it to anyone but hospital staff. So off she went and came back with two different bottles. She wouldn't let us repay her either. Then she said she'd be back in an hour to see how things were going.
Kennedi's temp had gone up slightly after an hour, but she was looking better and was not as upset. Bobbie said she knew just the thing to make her feel better and was off again. When she came back there was something hidden under her nurses jacket. She walked over to Kennedi and pulled out a stuffed bear complete with embroidered St. John's Mercy doctor's jacket. Kennedi's face lit up! Bobbie told her that she needed to name Dr. Bear and keep it with her over night and she would feel so much better in the morning! It was so sweet!
Well, Kennedi did name the bear, Dr. Bobbie Bear, and she has slept with it every night since. The fever only lasted a couple of days with no other symptoms. We were very thankful for that and that God made sure Bobbie was taking care of us that night. We wouldn't have made it through so well without her.
30 weeks
Well we have made it 6 weeks. Never thought when I came it at 24 weeks that I'd make it this far. God is definitely bigger that the statistics!
I am praying for a full 4 weeks more but at least 2 more weeks. I really want to make it to 32 weeks now. That is the next "milestone" age and things get even safer after that. I know that Wyatt is in God's hands so I'm trying not to worry too much but all the reading that I am doing has convinced me to keep praying for at least 2 more weeks of growing time for him.
I signed my "birth plan" today so I know that it is in the file now that I am going VBAC! Very exciting. I don't know that it will work out but the last thing I want to have to do is fight with a doctor over how this baby is coming out. The paper work helps me know that they are all on the same page. No pun intended :-)
I was talking to a friend on Monday night and one thing that this process has shown me is that when you have a normal pregnancy there are hundreds of little things that you never are told about or have to talk about with the doctor. But when something goes wrong, in my care premature rupture of membranes, you are given all of those things to think about, worry about, learn about, and pray about. Lots of them have decisions that have to be made after all of that. It is a lot more taxing than a normal pregnancy. Makes me really thankful for the first two pregnancies going so well and grateful that God is the final word on all of this so even if my plan fails, He never does! He is never surprised, overwhelmed, or unsure. He already knows how this ends. And I will trust him to get me there.
Psalm 95-Psalm 100 say over and over again to sing to the Lord a new song, to worship him with joy, to tell of his salvation and marvelous works, to rejoice in the Lord and give thanks to His holy name.
I will join in that giving thanks to him for his protection and provision over the last month and 1/2. He is the one who holds Wyatt and sustains his life day by day. He made the earth and all that is in it. He is mighty and greatly to be praised.
Psalm 100:3-5
Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him, bless his name! For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.
I am praying for a full 4 weeks more but at least 2 more weeks. I really want to make it to 32 weeks now. That is the next "milestone" age and things get even safer after that. I know that Wyatt is in God's hands so I'm trying not to worry too much but all the reading that I am doing has convinced me to keep praying for at least 2 more weeks of growing time for him.
I signed my "birth plan" today so I know that it is in the file now that I am going VBAC! Very exciting. I don't know that it will work out but the last thing I want to have to do is fight with a doctor over how this baby is coming out. The paper work helps me know that they are all on the same page. No pun intended :-)
I was talking to a friend on Monday night and one thing that this process has shown me is that when you have a normal pregnancy there are hundreds of little things that you never are told about or have to talk about with the doctor. But when something goes wrong, in my care premature rupture of membranes, you are given all of those things to think about, worry about, learn about, and pray about. Lots of them have decisions that have to be made after all of that. It is a lot more taxing than a normal pregnancy. Makes me really thankful for the first two pregnancies going so well and grateful that God is the final word on all of this so even if my plan fails, He never does! He is never surprised, overwhelmed, or unsure. He already knows how this ends. And I will trust him to get me there.
Psalm 95-Psalm 100 say over and over again to sing to the Lord a new song, to worship him with joy, to tell of his salvation and marvelous works, to rejoice in the Lord and give thanks to His holy name.
I will join in that giving thanks to him for his protection and provision over the last month and 1/2. He is the one who holds Wyatt and sustains his life day by day. He made the earth and all that is in it. He is mighty and greatly to be praised.
Psalm 100:3-5
Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him, bless his name! For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Breaking out of here
The last two days on our 45 minute outings we have made a run for it...Across the street that is. Yesterday Mitch asked our nurse if we could go across the street when we went outside. To which she replied, "I don't know where you go when you leave your room." Smile and wink. So we took that as a go for it. So we did. We went to Walgreens to pick up some pictures I ordered and look around for awhile. It was a lot of fun. We were quite a sight to be seen. Mitch had William on his back in a hiking pack and was pushing me in a wheelchair with Kennedi on my lap. No security personnel came after us so when I realized last night that I needed to pick up a few things I thought why not go for it again? Such a rebel I know. :-) The adrenaline rush was amazing! Teehee. I think it was really a reaction to leaving the hospital property after almost 6 weeks of being here. Nice to break things up a bit. We'll see what antics next week brings.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Aug 10th
I am now 29 weeks pregnant and have lived in this hospital for 5 weeks. We are half way there! Not a lot of news on the baby front. All is still going well and we are doing well. The ultrasound was great and the doctor is pleased with how well this is going. Very encouraging.
I am doing my best to hold fast to him and to pour out my cares at his feet. I was reading today in Psalm 91:14&15 and it says that "Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him."
I am also aware that I don't just live in the hospital I dwell in the shelter of the Most High. Psalm 91:1-4 talks about dwelling in the shelter of the Most High, abiding in the shadow of the Almighty, that the Lord is our refuge and fortress and that he covers us with his pinions and under his wings we find refuge.
I am very thankful that He is the one taking care of my family. I can trust in his name.
Please join with us in praying for 5 more weeks for Wyatt and for our willingness to trust in God's timing even if it means delivering Wyatt before 34 weeks. God is stronger than these days and weeks and He will be glorified no matter what. Also, I am still hoping for a vbac, but have realized that if I do have to have a caesarian I don't want to become bitter toward the Lord. So I am still praying that the vbac will go as planed but that no matter what happens, I will be happy to live according to God's plan for my life and not my own. Trusting that he will carry through that as well as he has carried be through this time of waiting in the hospital. Please keep Mitch and the kids in your prayers too, they are doing well but this is a hard time and the kids are asking when I get to come home...I wish I knew :-)
I am doing my best to hold fast to him and to pour out my cares at his feet. I was reading today in Psalm 91:14&15 and it says that "Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him."
I am also aware that I don't just live in the hospital I dwell in the shelter of the Most High. Psalm 91:1-4 talks about dwelling in the shelter of the Most High, abiding in the shadow of the Almighty, that the Lord is our refuge and fortress and that he covers us with his pinions and under his wings we find refuge.
I am very thankful that He is the one taking care of my family. I can trust in his name.
Please join with us in praying for 5 more weeks for Wyatt and for our willingness to trust in God's timing even if it means delivering Wyatt before 34 weeks. God is stronger than these days and weeks and He will be glorified no matter what. Also, I am still hoping for a vbac, but have realized that if I do have to have a caesarian I don't want to become bitter toward the Lord. So I am still praying that the vbac will go as planed but that no matter what happens, I will be happy to live according to God's plan for my life and not my own. Trusting that he will carry through that as well as he has carried be through this time of waiting in the hospital. Please keep Mitch and the kids in your prayers too, they are doing well but this is a hard time and the kids are asking when I get to come home...I wish I knew :-)
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
More Praises
Well for those of you who don't know if all goes well I will have lived in the hospital 10 weeks when Wyatt is born. And all of that time I had to find people to take care of our kids. Yesterday we filled in the last two empty dates! Praise God. Our friends and family have really stepped in to take care of us. And we are so thankful!
Other good news: We had another ultrasound yesterday and the preliminary report was good. Wyatt weighs 3 1bs 1 oz which is bigger than average (by just a little, but it helps), we got to see him practice breathing again (Mitch and the kids were there too so that was the first time they saw it, very cool), my amniotic fluid is down slightly but not in a way that they are worried about. It was a 7 on the 22nd of July and is 6.25 now. Still on the good side but barely. 5 is the low threshold for fluid. Other good news is that he is still head down. I am praying that he stays that way to make having a vbac possible.
I woke up today at 6 am and couldn't go back to sleep. That is a first for me here since I stay up till midnight or later waiting to get my vitals taken and Wyatt's heartbeat. I just couldn't stop thinking about Mitch and the kids. I prayed for them for a while, that usually helps and then I can go back to bed, but not today. Finally I called Mitch. I just talked to him about how much I miss them and wish I was back home taking care of them. I miss my job. After a tearful talk we hung up and I went before the Lord. It was really good. Because he didn't make me feel bad for wanting to be with my family and in the role as wife and mother, He just let me find peace in the fact that He is taking care of them all the time (even when I think I am) and that right now is no different. He loves them!!! and even more than I do. And He is going to be there every step of the way to provide for them. This too shall pass (it is only 10 weeks of our lives) but on this journey He will show himself worthy of praise and honor over and over. Thanks be to God the maker of the universe who cares for the least of these, counts our tears, knows the hairs on our head and has numbered our days before we are in our mothers womb.
Great is our God and greatly to be praised!
One thing that you can join in prayer for us in is for me to be able to have a vbac with Wyatt. I had to have an emergency caesarian with William and while the doctors are on board for the vbac there are some things that might make them change their mind. One of them is if I have to be induced...which I have had to be with both of my kids. So I have my doubts that my body will just suddenly figure out how to go into labor on its own. And at 34 weeks. But God is able to make all things happen so would you please join with me and pray that at 34 weeks my body will begin labor and that I will be able to deliver without a caesarian? Thanks. I'll let you know how it all turns out :-)
Other good news: We had another ultrasound yesterday and the preliminary report was good. Wyatt weighs 3 1bs 1 oz which is bigger than average (by just a little, but it helps), we got to see him practice breathing again (Mitch and the kids were there too so that was the first time they saw it, very cool), my amniotic fluid is down slightly but not in a way that they are worried about. It was a 7 on the 22nd of July and is 6.25 now. Still on the good side but barely. 5 is the low threshold for fluid. Other good news is that he is still head down. I am praying that he stays that way to make having a vbac possible.
I woke up today at 6 am and couldn't go back to sleep. That is a first for me here since I stay up till midnight or later waiting to get my vitals taken and Wyatt's heartbeat. I just couldn't stop thinking about Mitch and the kids. I prayed for them for a while, that usually helps and then I can go back to bed, but not today. Finally I called Mitch. I just talked to him about how much I miss them and wish I was back home taking care of them. I miss my job. After a tearful talk we hung up and I went before the Lord. It was really good. Because he didn't make me feel bad for wanting to be with my family and in the role as wife and mother, He just let me find peace in the fact that He is taking care of them all the time (even when I think I am) and that right now is no different. He loves them!!! and even more than I do. And He is going to be there every step of the way to provide for them. This too shall pass (it is only 10 weeks of our lives) but on this journey He will show himself worthy of praise and honor over and over. Thanks be to God the maker of the universe who cares for the least of these, counts our tears, knows the hairs on our head and has numbered our days before we are in our mothers womb.
Great is our God and greatly to be praised!
One thing that you can join in prayer for us in is for me to be able to have a vbac with Wyatt. I had to have an emergency caesarian with William and while the doctors are on board for the vbac there are some things that might make them change their mind. One of them is if I have to be induced...which I have had to be with both of my kids. So I have my doubts that my body will just suddenly figure out how to go into labor on its own. And at 34 weeks. But God is able to make all things happen so would you please join with me and pray that at 34 weeks my body will begin labor and that I will be able to deliver without a caesarian? Thanks. I'll let you know how it all turns out :-)
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Why worry?
This stay in the hospital has helped drill the scripture in Matthew 6, 25“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26“Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27“And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28“And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30“But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31“Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32“For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
One of the best things about being here under doctor supervision is also one of the worst things; they check in on Wyatt a lot. The more they check the more stuff they find to worry about or at least look into. A week and a half ago they came in and had two different ideas about what the bright spot in the ultrasounds could be. One was CMV and the other was cystic fibrosis. Both are very scary and make life for a baby harder so with a premi it would be all the more though for him to be healthy and get to come home. I had my blood taken and the tests came back on Sunday. Thankfully they have pretty much ruled them out.
I had the antibodies for CMV but that just means that I've been exposed to the virus at some point in my life and though they cannot say when I was exposed the ultrasound is a better diagnostic for CMV and have shown no further indications that I passed CMV to Wyatt. If CMV is if contracted by the mother during pregnancy, it can be very dangerous for the baby. It can result in blindness, deafness, bleeding in the brain etc. So while I have never worried about that before...or ever heard of it before, I am glad to know pretty conclusively that Wyatt does not have that.
The cystic fibrosis test also came back "negative." And both parents have to be carriers to pass it on to their children, so we are out of the woods on that too. Which is good to know because it is another scary disease. It causes mucus to become thick and sticky. The mucus builds up and clogs passages in the lungs, pancreas, and many other organs in the body. Which can cause all kinds of problems for infants.
So thanks be to God that he is taking care of Wyatt and all the details of his health, even ones I had never thought to worry about.
One cool thing about this week of waiting was that Mitch and I had a lot of time to think about what our lives would look like with a special needs baby. It was definitely overwhelming to think about, but we were also thankful that if he did have special needs he would be in our family. Because we would love him with God's love, knowing that God chose to make him that way for His glory not by some medical mistake. I am definitely sitting here thankful for a healthy report, but also willing to take on whatever God gives us knowing full well that He will provide the strength that we need for whatever He gives us. I want to be a willing servant, ready to take whatever He decides is for my best and "live life to the hilt" no matter where life takes us.
34 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
One of the best things about being here under doctor supervision is also one of the worst things; they check in on Wyatt a lot. The more they check the more stuff they find to worry about or at least look into. A week and a half ago they came in and had two different ideas about what the bright spot in the ultrasounds could be. One was CMV and the other was cystic fibrosis. Both are very scary and make life for a baby harder so with a premi it would be all the more though for him to be healthy and get to come home. I had my blood taken and the tests came back on Sunday. Thankfully they have pretty much ruled them out.
I had the antibodies for CMV but that just means that I've been exposed to the virus at some point in my life and though they cannot say when I was exposed the ultrasound is a better diagnostic for CMV and have shown no further indications that I passed CMV to Wyatt. If CMV is if contracted by the mother during pregnancy, it can be very dangerous for the baby. It can result in blindness, deafness, bleeding in the brain etc. So while I have never worried about that before...or ever heard of it before, I am glad to know pretty conclusively that Wyatt does not have that.
The cystic fibrosis test also came back "negative." And both parents have to be carriers to pass it on to their children, so we are out of the woods on that too. Which is good to know because it is another scary disease. It causes mucus to become thick and sticky. The mucus builds up and clogs passages in the lungs, pancreas, and many other organs in the body. Which can cause all kinds of problems for infants.
So thanks be to God that he is taking care of Wyatt and all the details of his health, even ones I had never thought to worry about.
One cool thing about this week of waiting was that Mitch and I had a lot of time to think about what our lives would look like with a special needs baby. It was definitely overwhelming to think about, but we were also thankful that if he did have special needs he would be in our family. Because we would love him with God's love, knowing that God chose to make him that way for His glory not by some medical mistake. I am definitely sitting here thankful for a healthy report, but also willing to take on whatever God gives us knowing full well that He will provide the strength that we need for whatever He gives us. I want to be a willing servant, ready to take whatever He decides is for my best and "live life to the hilt" no matter where life takes us.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
28 Weeks!
The day is finally here! I have lived in this hospital for a full month and Wyatt has made it through the scariest part of his development. Going into labor before 28 weeks, there are so many things to worry about and so much that can go wrong. I am more than grateful to God that he continues to allow us to beat the odds and stay pregnant! I don't really have anything new to report. Every day is more of the same but for that I am thankful too. No contractions or cramping or anything. Just same ol' steady living. So we are hoping for 6 more weeks of this. Crazy that I hope to live in this hospital for another 6 weeks but I do. As much as I would rather be at home with my kids, that is not an option, so for Wyatt's sake, let the 6 weeks come!
I am getting a lot of reading done while here, Have read Mountains of Spices the sequel to Hinds feet on High Places, and The Hobbit (had read it before but when I heard how long I'd be here I asked my mom to bring me the full set). And now am reading Through Gates of Splendor by Elizabeth Elliot and am 20 pages away from finishing The Fellowship of The Ring. I had read that too but have forgotten so many details it is like reading parts of it for the first time. After I finish them all I'm having my own movie marathon with the extended versions!
I have also been crocheting again. I started a blanket for Mitch for valentines day and that lasted a bout a month. Now after a month of nothing but time I'm at least half way through if not more. Shouldn't take too long to get it finished I am picking up speed as I go along. I'll try to get a picture of it on the site once it's done. It is going to be huge! At least 6 feet long so Mitch is all wrapped up in the winter time:-)
...
Just had a good talk with my doctor and all looks good. I'll have another ultrasound next week so that will be fun and I get to do the gestational diabetes test in the next day or two...not so fun but it has to be done. Thankful I made it long enough to get the test.
My family is on the way! I'm outa here (but not really, I'll still be sitting in my room)
I am getting a lot of reading done while here, Have read Mountains of Spices the sequel to Hinds feet on High Places, and The Hobbit (had read it before but when I heard how long I'd be here I asked my mom to bring me the full set). And now am reading Through Gates of Splendor by Elizabeth Elliot and am 20 pages away from finishing The Fellowship of The Ring. I had read that too but have forgotten so many details it is like reading parts of it for the first time. After I finish them all I'm having my own movie marathon with the extended versions!
I have also been crocheting again. I started a blanket for Mitch for valentines day and that lasted a bout a month. Now after a month of nothing but time I'm at least half way through if not more. Shouldn't take too long to get it finished I am picking up speed as I go along. I'll try to get a picture of it on the site once it's done. It is going to be huge! At least 6 feet long so Mitch is all wrapped up in the winter time:-)
...
Just had a good talk with my doctor and all looks good. I'll have another ultrasound next week so that will be fun and I get to do the gestational diabetes test in the next day or two...not so fun but it has to be done. Thankful I made it long enough to get the test.
My family is on the way! I'm outa here (but not really, I'll still be sitting in my room)
Thursday, July 28, 2011
On the Monitor
The hour a day that I am on the monitor is one of the hardest hours of my day. I have a hard time being distracted from the fact that I need to stay still and these bands are tightly holding sensors in place on my stomach. I have never been claustrophobic before but in those hours I feel stuck with no way out and sometimes it gets to me. Right now I'm on the monitor but thankfully the internet is working and doing a good job of distracting me. Other times I have just tried to sleep though it. It worked okay until yesterday when I woke up with a cramp in my leg and could do nothing about it. Thankfully the nurse came in not 5 minutes later to take me off because I was losing it.
The hospital room has been getting to me in the last few days. All was well until day 20. The next few days were a struggle. I had to open my door today just to feel more free and out in the open. I found myself sitting and looking out the window just wishing I could be outside. That didn't do me any good so I started thanking God that I could at least see the trees swaying in the breeze and that I do get to go outside once a day. What a sweet 45 minutes it is too. Fresh air...don't take it for granted. It is a beautiful thing even in this heat.
I prayed and just let God know that I was anxious and didn't know how to feel better. He provided so mightily yesterday. I had phone 4 calls from friends and family, the open door did wonders and Wyatt would not stay still when being monitored so the labor and delivery nurse had to come over and hold the sensor in place for 30 minutes. We had a great chat! It was so fun to just talk face to face with someone. I was grateful last night (When I started this blog), But today, the 29th He really drove it home. After spending time in prayer thanking him for providing for all of my needs even when it seems impossible. Then reading in the word this is what I saw and realized he does this for us all, all of the time. So glad that he is giving me a better picture of who he is so that I can love and honor him more readily and completely.
Psalm 62:8
"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us."
He truly is a refuge to me right now. I have nowhere else to turn and nothing else can distract me or bring joy when I am alone in my room. I am thankful to depend on Him for he does care for me every day!
Psalm 62:1-2
"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."
Psalm 63:1-8 (8 written below)
"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."
The hospital room has been getting to me in the last few days. All was well until day 20. The next few days were a struggle. I had to open my door today just to feel more free and out in the open. I found myself sitting and looking out the window just wishing I could be outside. That didn't do me any good so I started thanking God that I could at least see the trees swaying in the breeze and that I do get to go outside once a day. What a sweet 45 minutes it is too. Fresh air...don't take it for granted. It is a beautiful thing even in this heat.
I prayed and just let God know that I was anxious and didn't know how to feel better. He provided so mightily yesterday. I had phone 4 calls from friends and family, the open door did wonders and Wyatt would not stay still when being monitored so the labor and delivery nurse had to come over and hold the sensor in place for 30 minutes. We had a great chat! It was so fun to just talk face to face with someone. I was grateful last night (When I started this blog), But today, the 29th He really drove it home. After spending time in prayer thanking him for providing for all of my needs even when it seems impossible. Then reading in the word this is what I saw and realized he does this for us all, all of the time. So glad that he is giving me a better picture of who he is so that I can love and honor him more readily and completely.
Psalm 62:8
"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us."
He truly is a refuge to me right now. I have nowhere else to turn and nothing else can distract me or bring joy when I am alone in my room. I am thankful to depend on Him for he does care for me every day!
Psalm 62:1-2
"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."
Psalm 63:1-8 (8 written below)
"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."
Monday, July 25, 2011
20 days in the hospital.
I can't believe I have lived in this hospital for 20 days. Tomorrow will be three weeks and we will have made it to 27 weeks! I am very thankful for it though it is not always easy to just sit here and there are moments of "will this ever end." But I know that it will and I know that I want for Wyatt to get the best chance at growth and development while he is still inside me. There are just days when I miss the hustle and bustle of being at home with the kids, doing learning time, bible time, holding them whenever I want to and cooking. I know I miss cooking? And all that goes with it? But I do. I skyped with Mitch and the kids last week and seeing the house made me miss that too. I guess all of this missing of things is good for me. I hope to never again take them for granted. I hope to rejoice in the Lord for them every day and see that I am entitled to none of it. Nor have I earned it. It is all His mercy and blessing that I have anything at all. How great is our God! and greatly to be Praised. Even this hospital room and the ability to sit here and stay pregnant and have a healthier and healthier baby inside me, That is only by His Grace. And I will praise him for it.
I was having a hard time trusting Him yesterday and after time in prayer the song "Great is thy Faithfulness" filled my mind. I was so thankful to him for reminding me that "Morning by morning new mercies I see, All I have needed thy hands hath provided, great is thy faithfulness Lord unto me." It is so true. He is so faithful. Some verses that stood out to me this morning are in the Psalms. I am reading through them right now and they have been water to my soul.
Psalm 48:9 We have thought on your steadfast love, O God.
I have had a lot of time to think on his steadfast love these last 20 days and I am thankful to him for letting me have time to sit and reflect on his goodness to me and to my family. Over and over his love has sustained us.
Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
Psalm 55:16
I call to God and the Lord will save me.
Psalm 56:3-4a
When I am afraid I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust. I shall not be afraid.
There is so much hope in these verses. Who else have we to put our trust in? What else can save us from all struggles even in the midst of them? Nothing and No One but our God. He is mighty to save. He is our father offering refuge to his children. I have tasted and I see that the Lord is Good!
I was having a hard time trusting Him yesterday and after time in prayer the song "Great is thy Faithfulness" filled my mind. I was so thankful to him for reminding me that "Morning by morning new mercies I see, All I have needed thy hands hath provided, great is thy faithfulness Lord unto me." It is so true. He is so faithful. Some verses that stood out to me this morning are in the Psalms. I am reading through them right now and they have been water to my soul.
Psalm 48:9 We have thought on your steadfast love, O God.
I have had a lot of time to think on his steadfast love these last 20 days and I am thankful to him for letting me have time to sit and reflect on his goodness to me and to my family. Over and over his love has sustained us.
Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
Psalm 55:16
I call to God and the Lord will save me.
Psalm 56:3-4a
When I am afraid I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust. I shall not be afraid.
There is so much hope in these verses. Who else have we to put our trust in? What else can save us from all struggles even in the midst of them? Nothing and No One but our God. He is mighty to save. He is our father offering refuge to his children. I have tasted and I see that the Lord is Good!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
July 24th
We had a full ultra sound on Friday and an echo on Wyatt's heart. The doctors thought that they saw something inside his left chamber that might be a heart defect.
We got the results last night and all is well. Praise God!
Wyatt is now 2 pounds and growing stronger every day (i've been here 18 days now so he's had 18 mores days to keep growing and developing). Also the bright spot that they saw was not in his heart but off to the left. His heart looks great and they are not too concerned about the bright spot. It could be a reflection off of the rib cage or a number of different things. So for now we are super thankful that his heart is in good condition and pray that if that spot turns out to be something the doctors will have had plenty of time to figure out what it is before Wyatt gets here.
Other fun stuff that I've been doing: Mitch, Kennedi and William stayed over for a slumber party last Wednesday. The kids did a great job and actually slept. Mitch and I watched some TV and played cards...he won all but two games. Isn't he supposed to go easy on me, I am living in a hospital :-) My friend Jillian sent me a box of surprises and I have one to open for like 16 days or so. So far I have opened a 20 questions ball (kennedi and I stumped it with unicorn), a little hand held car racing game, a really cool wood puzzle and a 500 piece puzzle(will have to find room to put it together). It has been really fun to have something to look forward to every day. And it will help me get to the halfway point of this whole thing. Thanks Jill!
That's all for now. Thanks for all your prayers and support. God is answering our prayers day by day!
We got the results last night and all is well. Praise God!
Wyatt is now 2 pounds and growing stronger every day (i've been here 18 days now so he's had 18 mores days to keep growing and developing). Also the bright spot that they saw was not in his heart but off to the left. His heart looks great and they are not too concerned about the bright spot. It could be a reflection off of the rib cage or a number of different things. So for now we are super thankful that his heart is in good condition and pray that if that spot turns out to be something the doctors will have had plenty of time to figure out what it is before Wyatt gets here.
Other fun stuff that I've been doing: Mitch, Kennedi and William stayed over for a slumber party last Wednesday. The kids did a great job and actually slept. Mitch and I watched some TV and played cards...he won all but two games. Isn't he supposed to go easy on me, I am living in a hospital :-) My friend Jillian sent me a box of surprises and I have one to open for like 16 days or so. So far I have opened a 20 questions ball (kennedi and I stumped it with unicorn), a little hand held car racing game, a really cool wood puzzle and a 500 piece puzzle(will have to find room to put it together). It has been really fun to have something to look forward to every day. And it will help me get to the halfway point of this whole thing. Thanks Jill!
That's all for now. Thanks for all your prayers and support. God is answering our prayers day by day!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Cool Quote
"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."
Jim Elliot
I have to believe that where I am right now is where God wills me to be. Doing my best to live life to the hilt! Praying that you all do the same.
Jim Elliot
I have to believe that where I am right now is where God wills me to be. Doing my best to live life to the hilt! Praying that you all do the same.
More of God's Provision in week 1
On friday afternoon, after a day and a half in Labor and Delivery Wyatt was doing well so we got to move to the "Floor." So called because it is the floor where all the long-term patients stay. Most have something to do with babies but not all. I was moved from my private room to a "Semi-private" room. Which means I had a roommate. She had been there for two weeks already and was used to a certain amount of quiet...
Let's just say my life is not quiet.
My mom and sister (and nephew Rylan) had just come down to start taking care of the kids and stopped by to see me. We were going over the daily schedule and planning all kinds of things. Talking about what the doctors had said and what we were hoping for. Also Rylan was trying to nap...in the bathroom. It seemed to work well to us. We could still go in and use the restroom and if we woke him up he could cry himself back to sleep. That happened once. But didn't bother us any...
Then Mitch, Kennedi and William came in ready to move in. I hadn't seen the kids since Wednesday evening so I was so excited to see them and they were excited to see me too. We had a very loud reunion. :-) About 20 minutes later a nurse, who will remain nameless, came in and said that my family was going to have to leave because they were bothering my roommate. Her husband had called to complain after talking to her on the phone. But she never said anything to us.
So next thing you know Mitch is saying he won't leave and I am crying again begging them not to take my family away from me. After a heated and emotional chat with the nurse she left and an hour later returned with news that they had found another room, this one private, that had the required fetal monitor in it. Two hours later I was wheeled bed and all into my new fabulous room!
It is huge! I have two great big windows that let me see the trees and sky. It is a radiation patient room so it is extra large and fits the family very well. I am so thankful for it!
We can be as loud as we want and we don't bother anyone. Thank you Lord!
We have really turned the room into "home." Mitch and the kids drew on two huge posters and My sister and I made one each with scripture and some pictures as well. It makes the white wall across from my bed much brighter. I also have family pictures on the window sill and pictures of Kennedi and William and Wyatt's last ultrasound on the wall so I can see them all day long. Two mini-rose plants are on the window sill as well and I am doing my best to keep them alive. So far so good. Yes the Lord has truly blessed me with a bright and lively room in the midst of the sterile hospital that I find myself in. He is so good.
Let's just say my life is not quiet.
My mom and sister (and nephew Rylan) had just come down to start taking care of the kids and stopped by to see me. We were going over the daily schedule and planning all kinds of things. Talking about what the doctors had said and what we were hoping for. Also Rylan was trying to nap...in the bathroom. It seemed to work well to us. We could still go in and use the restroom and if we woke him up he could cry himself back to sleep. That happened once. But didn't bother us any...
Then Mitch, Kennedi and William came in ready to move in. I hadn't seen the kids since Wednesday evening so I was so excited to see them and they were excited to see me too. We had a very loud reunion. :-) About 20 minutes later a nurse, who will remain nameless, came in and said that my family was going to have to leave because they were bothering my roommate. Her husband had called to complain after talking to her on the phone. But she never said anything to us.
So next thing you know Mitch is saying he won't leave and I am crying again begging them not to take my family away from me. After a heated and emotional chat with the nurse she left and an hour later returned with news that they had found another room, this one private, that had the required fetal monitor in it. Two hours later I was wheeled bed and all into my new fabulous room!
It is huge! I have two great big windows that let me see the trees and sky. It is a radiation patient room so it is extra large and fits the family very well. I am so thankful for it!
We can be as loud as we want and we don't bother anyone. Thank you Lord!
We have really turned the room into "home." Mitch and the kids drew on two huge posters and My sister and I made one each with scripture and some pictures as well. It makes the white wall across from my bed much brighter. I also have family pictures on the window sill and pictures of Kennedi and William and Wyatt's last ultrasound on the wall so I can see them all day long. Two mini-rose plants are on the window sill as well and I am doing my best to keep them alive. So far so good. Yes the Lord has truly blessed me with a bright and lively room in the midst of the sterile hospital that I find myself in. He is so good.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Hospital Food
Okay so you are probably expecting me to complain about the food but I cannot. I love it! Too much I think. I have had to check myself because there are so many good...fried things to be had and they let me order all that I want. And always with the dessert option. :-) The first week or so I ate whatever I wanted and then I realized that I am not exercising at all now except for my physical therapy for my legs and the occasional walk to the bathroom, etc. So no I have started being more sensible and I only eat half of what they bring me. It is like eating at a restaurant very meal of the day.
Want to start the day with eggs, bacon, biscuit and gravy? Go for it. Side of hash browns with that? Why not. Lunch can be anything I want with about 20 options for sides, and yes, I could order one of everything...though I haven't tried that yet. I do know that I can order both mashed potatoes and baked at the same time and they just keep asking what else I want. :-)
So yes I am enjoying my hospital food (the desserts are amazing) and the freezer stocked with ice cream that I can have anytime I want. But have now decided that self-control must win out or I will literally have to be rolled out of here. I may start rating my meals if I get too bored...speaking of food they just brought my lunch! Gotta go.
Want to start the day with eggs, bacon, biscuit and gravy? Go for it. Side of hash browns with that? Why not. Lunch can be anything I want with about 20 options for sides, and yes, I could order one of everything...though I haven't tried that yet. I do know that I can order both mashed potatoes and baked at the same time and they just keep asking what else I want. :-)
So yes I am enjoying my hospital food (the desserts are amazing) and the freezer stocked with ice cream that I can have anytime I want. But have now decided that self-control must win out or I will literally have to be rolled out of here. I may start rating my meals if I get too bored...speaking of food they just brought my lunch! Gotta go.
July 20th, 26 weeks
We've beaten the odds and made it two weeks after rupture! 2/3 of women go into labor in the first two weeks so Praise God Wyatt is still inside growing and getting stronger. Not much to report thankfully. All is quiet and well. I have had not contractions or cramping and am on "auto pilot" as the nurses call it. They like "auto pilot" and so do I. I can't believe it has already been two weeks. When I heard that I was going to have to stay in the hospital for 10 weeks it knocked me down. But God has been gracious. And these two weeks have really gone by quickly. Let's hope the next 8 fly by :-)
Psalm 40:5
You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare to you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.
Psalm 40:16-17
But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually "Great is the Lord!" But as for me I am poor and needy but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!
He is so good. I will Praise the Lord!
Psalm 40:5
You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare to you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.
Psalm 40:16-17
But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually "Great is the Lord!" But as for me I am poor and needy but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!
He is so good. I will Praise the Lord!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Friday the 15th of July
The latest update with Wyatt and I is that things are still going well. We have made it a week and two days! So I am now over 25 weeks pregnant and thankful for every day that I get to stay that way. We had another ultrasound today to measure my amniotic fluid and it was a positive change! I am now at a 5+. Last week it was a 3 so that is really good news. Also 5 is within the "healthy" range for amniotic fluid...so is 24 though so we are just on the edge but I'll take it!
Also they got to see Wyatt practice breathing. That was really cool. We hadn't seen that before and that is encouraging because it means his lungs are developing and that is a good sign. We are still praying for 9 more weeks in the hospital before he comes out but every day is better than the last.
Psalm 33:20-22
"Our soul waits for the Lord, he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him because we trust in his holy mane. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you."
Also they got to see Wyatt practice breathing. That was really cool. We hadn't seen that before and that is encouraging because it means his lungs are developing and that is a good sign. We are still praying for 9 more weeks in the hospital before he comes out but every day is better than the last.
Psalm 33:20-22
"Our soul waits for the Lord, he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him because we trust in his holy mane. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you."
Hospital Adventure Begins
Right now I sit at St. John's Mercy in Springfield. I have been here for 10 days but let's start from the beginning.
Last Wednesday the 6th of July, when I was 24 weeks pregnant, I had severe contractions for about 15 minutes and then a few hours later thought I was leaking amniotic fluid. I called my doctor who advised me to go to the hospital and get monitored to make sure everything was okay. After a few tests came back positive they decided that I needed to stay the night to be safe. One of the tests that came back positive gave me a 19% chance of going into preterm labor. Not very conclusive but enough to keep me overnight. Thankfully Mitch and I had been out on a date so our kids were already safely tucked in at the High's and they were welcome to stay as long as needed. (Thanks so much Lance and Katie)
The next morning all seemed to be going well and I had been told that I would just need two weeks of good rest and could not pick up the kids or anything too heavy.
In about ten minutes my world got turned upside down. After another test my doctor finally confirmed that I was leaking amniotic fluid and because of that I could no longer go home but would have to travel to Springfield immediately by ambulance and stay on bed rest until the baby was born.
I can't tell you how desperate I felt or the amount of tears that flowed with that news. Fear for the baby's health, loss of not being able to see my kids every minute of everyday, loss of the ability to normal everyday things, not getting to see my husband, being totally out of control. Emotion crashed down on me almost too much to bear.
Before I was off to Springfield they gave me IV antibiotics to keep myself and baby free from infection. Infection can cause labor to begin and since I am no longer a sealed, safe environment for baby the chance of infection is high. They also gave me the first of two steroid shots meant to help the baby develop more quickly than normal. Preterm babies struggle with a lot of stuff but most of it comes from underdeveloped lungs, brain and intestines. Pneumonia, bleeding in the brain, and intestinal infection are some of the most common issues that premature babies deal with after they are born. Not to mention just figuring out how to handle light and sound and touch since they aren't supposed to have to deal with those kinds of things yet. The hope is that the steroids will help the baby develop more quickly and have less time on the ventilator, etc.
Soon I was off to Springfield and Mitch was headed home to pack my bags and then meet me as soon as possible. My mother and sister were also busy packing bags as they would come down to take care of the kids starting Friday night.
When I arrived at St. Johns Mercy I was taken to Labor and Delivery, put on 24 hour fetal monitoring and ordered a full ultrasound.
Then there was a lot of waiting. Waiting and fear and helplessness.
But I knew then that God was in control of all of this and that some how He would have it all work out for good. I was just scared.
A lot has changed in me in the last week and God has continued to show himself merciful and mighty in our lives. I will share more tomorrow but for now I need a break from the computer.
We appreciate all the prayers that we can get. And feel free to ask questions I'll answer them the best I can.
Last Wednesday the 6th of July, when I was 24 weeks pregnant, I had severe contractions for about 15 minutes and then a few hours later thought I was leaking amniotic fluid. I called my doctor who advised me to go to the hospital and get monitored to make sure everything was okay. After a few tests came back positive they decided that I needed to stay the night to be safe. One of the tests that came back positive gave me a 19% chance of going into preterm labor. Not very conclusive but enough to keep me overnight. Thankfully Mitch and I had been out on a date so our kids were already safely tucked in at the High's and they were welcome to stay as long as needed. (Thanks so much Lance and Katie)
The next morning all seemed to be going well and I had been told that I would just need two weeks of good rest and could not pick up the kids or anything too heavy.
In about ten minutes my world got turned upside down. After another test my doctor finally confirmed that I was leaking amniotic fluid and because of that I could no longer go home but would have to travel to Springfield immediately by ambulance and stay on bed rest until the baby was born.
I can't tell you how desperate I felt or the amount of tears that flowed with that news. Fear for the baby's health, loss of not being able to see my kids every minute of everyday, loss of the ability to normal everyday things, not getting to see my husband, being totally out of control. Emotion crashed down on me almost too much to bear.
Before I was off to Springfield they gave me IV antibiotics to keep myself and baby free from infection. Infection can cause labor to begin and since I am no longer a sealed, safe environment for baby the chance of infection is high. They also gave me the first of two steroid shots meant to help the baby develop more quickly than normal. Preterm babies struggle with a lot of stuff but most of it comes from underdeveloped lungs, brain and intestines. Pneumonia, bleeding in the brain, and intestinal infection are some of the most common issues that premature babies deal with after they are born. Not to mention just figuring out how to handle light and sound and touch since they aren't supposed to have to deal with those kinds of things yet. The hope is that the steroids will help the baby develop more quickly and have less time on the ventilator, etc.
Soon I was off to Springfield and Mitch was headed home to pack my bags and then meet me as soon as possible. My mother and sister were also busy packing bags as they would come down to take care of the kids starting Friday night.
When I arrived at St. Johns Mercy I was taken to Labor and Delivery, put on 24 hour fetal monitoring and ordered a full ultrasound.
Then there was a lot of waiting. Waiting and fear and helplessness.
But I knew then that God was in control of all of this and that some how He would have it all work out for good. I was just scared.
A lot has changed in me in the last week and God has continued to show himself merciful and mighty in our lives. I will share more tomorrow but for now I need a break from the computer.
We appreciate all the prayers that we can get. And feel free to ask questions I'll answer them the best I can.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
A year and a half of fear.
It is amazing to me how quickly God can turn me around from fear to trust and excitement.
For a year and a half, ever since my son William was born emergency cesarean, I was hospitalized for a week with infection and then the painful and long healing process for myself, I have been afraid of getting pregnant again.
I battled with the desire for birth control though we hadn't used it in the past and my husband's faith was sure that God would provide when and if the time was right. I prayed that the Lord would close my womb. I prayed for other women to get pregnant but not me. I prayed and prayed that I would not get pregnant.
Fear gripped me every time my period was late. And it was late every month, skipping October entirely. But I wasn't pregnant. And each month I got less and less paranoid about it. Some trust crept in. Then I just figured that I would never get pregnant again.
And honestly for awhile that was okay with me. I saw my sister's first baby be born and he was adorable but I didn't desire another, one of my friends had a baby and she is so sweet but all I saw when I looked at her was all the time that babies take when they are first born...and forever I imagine.
It wasn't until last week. Tuesday to be exact that I had a breakthrough. A friend of mine just found out that she was pregnant. I was very excited for her and when I told my husband he was happy but also sad that we weren't pregnant yet. I didn't know that he felt that way. We had talked about having at least one more but I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen. I was writing/praying to God and realized that all this time what I was really afraid of was dying.
I really thought that William and I would not make it when I was trying to deliver him. And he only had a 1% chance of survival. But God was faithful to deliver us both.
And He brought me to the end of my false sense of control when I realized that He alone holds my days and there is nothing that I can do to lengthen them or shorten them. They are written in His book and I am held in His hand. So after realizing that the real fear was not getting to see my kids grow up and having another woman help my husband raise them without me...the tears flow even now thinking about it...
My heart finally melted. I was no longer the girl who didn't want to have anymore kids. I was just Dinah a woman who loves kids but was scared. And in that honesty I could come to my Abba and rest. And He could work in my heart. At that moment my mind and my heart changed.
I wanted a baby. Mitch and I started talking about baby names and bigger cars, etc. And one week to the day later...I found out I was pregnant! I was so excited. And days before I would have been petrified.
God is so good and his timing is perfect. So glad that he is gracious enough to let me have a year an a half to slowly learn to trust Him again.
For a year and a half, ever since my son William was born emergency cesarean, I was hospitalized for a week with infection and then the painful and long healing process for myself, I have been afraid of getting pregnant again.
I battled with the desire for birth control though we hadn't used it in the past and my husband's faith was sure that God would provide when and if the time was right. I prayed that the Lord would close my womb. I prayed for other women to get pregnant but not me. I prayed and prayed that I would not get pregnant.
Fear gripped me every time my period was late. And it was late every month, skipping October entirely. But I wasn't pregnant. And each month I got less and less paranoid about it. Some trust crept in. Then I just figured that I would never get pregnant again.
And honestly for awhile that was okay with me. I saw my sister's first baby be born and he was adorable but I didn't desire another, one of my friends had a baby and she is so sweet but all I saw when I looked at her was all the time that babies take when they are first born...and forever I imagine.
It wasn't until last week. Tuesday to be exact that I had a breakthrough. A friend of mine just found out that she was pregnant. I was very excited for her and when I told my husband he was happy but also sad that we weren't pregnant yet. I didn't know that he felt that way. We had talked about having at least one more but I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen. I was writing/praying to God and realized that all this time what I was really afraid of was dying.
I really thought that William and I would not make it when I was trying to deliver him. And he only had a 1% chance of survival. But God was faithful to deliver us both.
And He brought me to the end of my false sense of control when I realized that He alone holds my days and there is nothing that I can do to lengthen them or shorten them. They are written in His book and I am held in His hand. So after realizing that the real fear was not getting to see my kids grow up and having another woman help my husband raise them without me...the tears flow even now thinking about it...
My heart finally melted. I was no longer the girl who didn't want to have anymore kids. I was just Dinah a woman who loves kids but was scared. And in that honesty I could come to my Abba and rest. And He could work in my heart. At that moment my mind and my heart changed.
I wanted a baby. Mitch and I started talking about baby names and bigger cars, etc. And one week to the day later...I found out I was pregnant! I was so excited. And days before I would have been petrified.
God is so good and his timing is perfect. So glad that he is gracious enough to let me have a year an a half to slowly learn to trust Him again.
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