The hour a day that I am on the monitor is one of the hardest hours of my day. I have a hard time being distracted from the fact that I need to stay still and these bands are tightly holding sensors in place on my stomach. I have never been claustrophobic before but in those hours I feel stuck with no way out and sometimes it gets to me. Right now I'm on the monitor but thankfully the internet is working and doing a good job of distracting me. Other times I have just tried to sleep though it. It worked okay until yesterday when I woke up with a cramp in my leg and could do nothing about it. Thankfully the nurse came in not 5 minutes later to take me off because I was losing it.
The hospital room has been getting to me in the last few days. All was well until day 20. The next few days were a struggle. I had to open my door today just to feel more free and out in the open. I found myself sitting and looking out the window just wishing I could be outside. That didn't do me any good so I started thanking God that I could at least see the trees swaying in the breeze and that I do get to go outside once a day. What a sweet 45 minutes it is too. Fresh air...don't take it for granted. It is a beautiful thing even in this heat.
I prayed and just let God know that I was anxious and didn't know how to feel better. He provided so mightily yesterday. I had phone 4 calls from friends and family, the open door did wonders and Wyatt would not stay still when being monitored so the labor and delivery nurse had to come over and hold the sensor in place for 30 minutes. We had a great chat! It was so fun to just talk face to face with someone. I was grateful last night (When I started this blog), But today, the 29th He really drove it home. After spending time in prayer thanking him for providing for all of my needs even when it seems impossible. Then reading in the word this is what I saw and realized he does this for us all, all of the time. So glad that he is giving me a better picture of who he is so that I can love and honor him more readily and completely.
Psalm 62:8
"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us."
He truly is a refuge to me right now. I have nowhere else to turn and nothing else can distract me or bring joy when I am alone in my room. I am thankful to depend on Him for he does care for me every day!
Psalm 62:1-2
"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."
Psalm 63:1-8 (8 written below)
"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."
Dinah, your faith is so encouraging and convicting to me. Praying that God eases a little of the mental tension so you don't go insane. :) Hang in there, momma. You're incredible!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.aholyexperience.com/
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you've read One Thousand Gifts, Dinah, but I adore Ann Voskamp and her raw and poetic style. You can read your blog at the above link. I thought it might encourage you.